Thursday, February 17, 2011

Sunk down in a house, in a town : Day Thirteen

Day 13 – This week

I am generally a very outwardly optimistic person. I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt (at least once, if not more) the majority of the time. This week has been a test of my character.

My coworker and very good friend, T, has been out three full days, and only worked a few hours the last couple of days. Normally this isn't a big deal, especially if it's a planned absence, but unplanned has left my department scrambling trying to fill in the void left by her absence. Unfortunately, I end up being the one scrambling, and I end up being the one filling the void.

It's annoying, and frustrating, and as of today, the best description of the emotion I was feeling was resentment. I HATE being resentful. I especially hate feeling that way about a friend who has had little to no control over the cards that have been handed to her over this last week.

I have also been having some very strong feelings regarding my breakup with B. There are things I feel like I need to say and haven't been given the chance. I have also been able to come to the conclusion that I am better off without him, but that doesn't make the hurt any less. He alluded this last weekend that he found fault in the fact that I'm too independent. That I didn't REALLY need him (which truth be told, I don't.) I don't want to walk through life needing a man (or any person) to depend on. I've worked really hard over the last eight years to support myself not only financially, but emotionally as well. I think it's a huge flaw in his character that he found fault in me being able to do that.

I feel as though I'm not doing enough with my diet, or exercise to make much of a difference. Of course most of this is due to the fact that I'm extremely unsettled with other aspects of my life, and when I start thinking about it, it always reverts back to my weight. I'm trying to remedy that.

Aiden is spending the weekend (and next) with his father and his family. I'm looking forward to the alone time, however, it is the first length of time that I'll have been alone since the break up. Luckily I have really awesome friends and have filled most of the hours with plans.

I need to take a deep breath, and go to bed early. Tomorrow is Friday, the best day of the week!


  1. i admire your strength and independence.

    and i agree with you wholeheartedly. i've always believed that you should be able to take care of yourself. you WANT that person there to help you, because you love them. but that's not being needy. and being needy (read: insecure) and unable to take care of yourself, i think, keeps you from being fully capable of truly loving another person. gotta love (know yourself, support yourself) yourself first.


  2. So what if you HAD really, truly needed him? He'd be twice the jerk for leaving.

    I admire that you're the kind of woman that a man needs, not the type of woman that needs a man.