Tuesday, August 14, 2012

To be Adored.

I have been cared for.

I have been admired, and liked, and appreciated.

I truly believe that it has been years since I have been adored.  I'm talking, back in high school.  YEARS.

I have fallen into people's arms, given all of myself, and then have them walk away.  Without provocation, and suddenly I wasn't enough anymore.  I try to find things to blame, and it always comes back to me, what I did wrong.  I didn't give enough, I gave too much...  In the end, the only thing it left me with was hating myself.  Enough guilt.

I am now adored.

I have someone who cares enough about me to ask my opinion, to give equally (if not more) than what I've been able to give to him.  He wants to spend time with me, he wants to hold me, he wants to sleep next to me.  He tells his friends and family he's proud of me.  He kisses me in public, and introduces me to his friends. 

For the first time, I am really understanding what it means that actions speak louder than words.

He makes me feel beautiful, like I'm the only woman in his vision.  I don't worry that he's talking to other women.  He's open, he's honest, he tells me about his day.  His good and his bad.  He drinks my milkshakes and takes my love, even with all of its flaws. 

He is beautiful, non-judgmental, and would do anything for his friends or family.  He makes me proud of HIM.  I have always been his number one fan.  Always.

Being a band member's girlfriend is a whole new world for me to become accustomed to.  But it's a great world.  New people I wouldn't have normally run across in my day to day life, new friends of the other girlfriends, being able to see him do the thing he loves the most in front of people.  How he lights up.  I love being able to support that, in any way possible.  Because I know that if I have something similar, he would be there too.

Hi.  I'm Sadie.  And I finally GET it.


Wednesday, August 1, 2012

August goals 2012

- lose 5 lbs

- go to the gym 15 times.

- continue to build on my running.

- start and finish a new book of my own.

- start and finish a new book with Aiden.

- continue to eat cleaner.

- work on weights and resistance training.


- make and keep a phone date with Clare. :)

- write.

- welcome more love into my world.

- lotion.  it is important.

- write the letter I've been meaning to write.  put it in the sink.  burn it.

- make it through my sister's bachelorette party without anyone puking or passing out, especially me.

- cook one new thing a week.

- take photos.  post photos.  show my life through photos.

- breathe in the last little bit of summer, enjoy it, savor it, then let.it.go.