Sunday, March 27, 2011
I wish nothing but the best for you : Day Twenty-nine
Day 29 – Your aspirations
When I had Aiden I gave up a lot of my dreams. Where there used to be worldly goals and aspirations, there remained only the will to survive long enough to make a difference in this little person's life. It has taken over 8 years to get to the place we are now. Sitting comfortably, a full fridge, money to do fun things, reasonable happiness.
But then I take a step back, and I say "what about me?" Which, yes, sounds very selfish, but for anyone who has ever had a child, or a pet, or just a tendency to put everyone else above themselves, it is necessary. This of course is splattered with thoughts like "why not me" or "why me" or "when is it my turn" in which I compare myself to other people, namely my friends, sometimes strangers and for some reason I always come up short. I want to try to stop this line of thinking, because I am worth everything I can dream for myself and my family.
So, what about me? For close to ten years now, I have wanted to get in shape. I have gradually put on a few pounds, sometimes more, each year. I have led a very sedentary lifestyle, spending most of my nights too exhausted to do much of anything but eat crappy, easy food, and then to sleep. Almost two years ago, I put a stop to that. I started getting active, using my resources, and getting myself into shape. I still have a LONG way to go in that quest, but I am more comfortable with my body now than I ever have been, and that's saying a lot.
I want to finish school. In what field, it doesn't really matter to me. Ideally, I would like to get a lactation consultant license, and be able to help new (and soon to be) mom's in doing everything they can to breast feed their babies. This is something I am truly passionate about, but no one has ever really been able to tell me how I would go about something like that. There is no degree for it, and I know most people who choose that path begin in nursing, which I have no desire to do. Also, nursing is not a requirement. So I guess I need to figure out where to go from where I am at now.
I want to write a book. Probably a children's book, for children born with clubfoot. It would be a book for children and parents alike, letting them know that they are not alone, that this is not a defect that should ever be allowed to slow a child down, and to let the child know that they are NO different from their peers. In my experience, children roll with the punches. It's the adults that need the lesson. I have had this idea, and the start of the story in my head for years, but I have never really sat down to actualize it.
And finally, I would like to find love. That all consuming, compromising, and beautiful love. I have waited this long, that I am not going to settle for just any Joe-Schmo who walks into my life. Quality over anything. Must be kind, gentle, and tolerant. I have no fantasies of marriage and a white dress, but someone who will love me forever will be enough.