Saturday, August 27, 2011
On Falling off the Wagon
I'm glad I'm able to realize this early on, instead of letting it spiral out of control. It's harder to keep track of my workouts when I'm not at the gym, especially when I don't write them down. I've been biking, a lot, but it still doesn't feel like enough. I still have 50+ pounds to go until I am where I want to be, where I have wanted to be for over a decade.
I am going to blame happiness. The ever sought after thing, companionship. Things with D are good. They are SO good. I am not trying to escape things like I once was, the gym being a way for me to do that. Maybe I need to start looking at it as a way for me to escape these negative thoughts about myself. I know I feel better when I exercise. I know I feel better when I eat right, don't feel bloated and disgusting all of the time. I know I feel better when I get on the scale every morning and the number has dropped, or remained the same.
As a food addict, the giving up the greasy burgers, the french fries, the ice cream... that's the hard part. Maybe not giving up, but eating in moderation. Have you ever tried Weight Watchers? Does it work? Did it work?
I need someone to hold me accountable. I also need to get my apartment back in order. It is always very apparent to me my mental state when I look around and see the state of mess my apartment is in. My mental state right now is "crazy and clinging to anything that will make me seem less so."
That being said, I am going to go shop.