Ode to My Shrinking Bustline

I didn't set any goals for this month.  One, because I was too lazy.  Two, because I knew this month would be a whirlwind of trying to get things ironed out for the last few weeks of school, D opening his new restaurant, and me trying to focus more on health than weight.  That being said, I have to say that the month is off to a not too shabby beginning.

Now, the purpose of my writing tonight.  I am going to talk about my boobs.  Please forgive me.

When I began to lose weight, I noticed subtle changes in my body.  My calves, which I once believed to be muscular, started to actually show definition and slim down.  My stomach started to shrink.  Areas of my body I had expected to shrink, did.  I had actually expected to start losing in my bust area first.  I didn't.  For two and a half years, I noticed the weight coming off in the normal areas, tummy, thighs, arms.  I noticed it coming off in the not so common areas, feet, wrists, fingers, face, neck.  But I never once changed a bra size.

Then January 2012 rolled around, and I dropped 12+ pounds that month.  I am positive that it all came from my boobs.

Over the last 5 months, they have continued to shrink. Now, I don't have any delusions that one of these days I'll magically not have to wear a bra anymore, but when I wear a sports bra (which I do the majority of the time) they all but disappear.

Shirts I would normally fill out, too big.  Bras that I used to SPILL out of, that I couldn't wear to work because if I bent over my boob would fall out of, too big.

The good: I still have to strap them down when I run to keep them from bouncing, but I don't have to wear double bras and ace bandage.  I get by with a tight sports bra and under armour tank-top.  My back doesn't hurt much anymore, ever.  I bought a couple of tube tops, and I can actually wear them with my strapless bra that doesn't try to fall down constantly.

The bad: I HAVE NO BOOBS!

April Goals 2012 : Review

- go to the gym 15 times.

WIN!  Went a total of 16, and would have made it more but had several appointments in the last couple of weeks that ate into gym time.

- lose 5 lbs.

Lost three.

- start and finish a new book.

Finished "The Tenth Circle" and started "The Almost Moon".

- go on two (at least) long bike rides.

This one is a monumental FAIL.  I didn't ride at all.

- buy a bike rack for my car :)

Almost.  The one I had my eye on ended up not fitting the bars on my car.  Still in the process.

- SORT THROUGH CLOTHES.  keep, donate, sell, or give away!

I threw out a bunch that were tattered and torn.  I suck at this whole sorting thing.

- possibly start looking for a new apartment. 

Have been keeping my eye out for anything that pops up, so far, nothing.

- sort through Aiden's toys, change out his spring/summer clothes, put away the heavy winter clothes.

WIN!  Haven't made the complete change from winter to summer clothes just yet, but have brought out the shorts.

- make one new meal a week.

WIN!  White chicken enchiladas, honey sesame chicken, pudding cookies, breakfast pizza, and black bean/pineapple tacos.

- have a kick-ass birthday party.

WIN!  oh yes, yes I did!

- go down to the tattoo parlor and talk to them about drawing up and pricing my next tattoo.

FAIL.  No money, no time.  I would have to do it during my workout time, and I hate giving up my workout time.

- don't get hung up in the small things, look at the big picture.

I'd call this one a win.

- smile more.

I have had a couple of REALLY silly days in the last month.  Days like these are the ones I live for.

- take new body measurements.

WIN!  I don't want to talk about it though.

- run my first 5k.

WIN!  I have ran two on my own, once on D's treadmill, and once at the track by my house.  Aiden and I ran/walked a 5k this last weekend for the community PATH 5k.  I also signed up for another Color Run that will be in Omaha in July.

- tell the important people in my life just how much they mean to me.

I try to, more and more every day.

29 minus 1

Tomorrow I will wake up another year older. 

Every year I say it, and every year I mean it, but this last year has been the most educational of my life.  I have learned more about myself than I ever thought possible.  I have pushed myself in ways I didn't know existed.  I found a way to love myself, even if it's just a little bit.

So, in honor of my last night falling asleep as a 28 year old, here is MY list of number 1's.  In no particular order.

• Johnny Depp
• Hanson
• Forrest Gump or Benny and Joon
• Adele
• Blue
• John Lennon
• JK Rowling
• I Know This Much is True
• Jacob
• Treasure Island, FL
• Boxers
• Cats
• Pizza
• Early morning sweet text messages
• Waking up in his arms
• Edemame
• Friday

29 minus 2

I realize that I didn't get around to #3 yesterday, but I think I can live with missing one day in ten.  Forgive me.

Coming up with random information about myself has proven harder than I thought.  I'm trying not to talk about things that I talk about often, like my weight loss, or Aiden being born with bilateral clubfoot.  So I figured today was a good day for some bullet points.

• I count stairs as I walk them, either up or down.
• I have the bad habit of filling silences with "so...." (I've realized that both my mother and sister do this as well, so I'm going to chalk that up to a genetic thing.)
• I can talk a big talk, but I'm inwardly very shy when it comes to sex.  
• I've been told that I'm extremely feminine, even though I can rough and tumble with the best of the boys.  I never would consider myself "feminine" though.
• I wear contacts, and I have since my 14th birthday.
• With the weight I've lost, there are things that have shrunk that I never expected to, such as my hands and my feet.  My wrists, my chest.  It still amazes me when I look at my calves and realize that these muscular legs that I didn't think were big to begin with have actually shrunk and toned.
• I over think and over analyze nearly EVERYTHING.  This is one of my greatest faults, and something I've been working very hard on overcoming.  I have to remember that my reality isn't necessarily someone elses.
•  My favorite thing to do when I have downtime is to nap.
• I am a fierce Democrat.
• I love when a man has two or three days worth of stubble on his face.
• Very rarely am I not chewing gum, or have a mint in my mouth.
• I would get a half sleeve tattoo if I had sexy enough arms.
• I have no ass.
• I love bread and butter pickles, hot tamales, reece's peanut butter cups, cheese, Thai food, and pretty much any kind of Mexican food.
• In the summer, one of my favorite things to do is to lay out in the sun for hours.
• ham and pineapple pizza is the shit.

29 minus 4

It's incredibly hard for me to write (fiction, or non-fiction) when things in my life are going well.  Rob Thomas was quoted once as saying something along the lines of "when you're depressed, you write.  When you're happy, you live."  Which sums it up pretty nicely.

There are a lot less things to say when things are good, and I'm not sure if that's because of my fear of jinxing things, or if I'm simply more boring when I'm happy than when I'm not.

And truthfully, I am incredibly boring.  I surf the internet, I watch television, I cook, I try to clean, I work, I go to the gym, and I sleep.  Of course there's all sorts of living that's going on in between.  I cuddle with my boyfriend, play outside with the three cutest little boys, spend a couple of hours a week driving, and laughing.

That's probably one of the best things about living, is all the laughing I do.  Most of the time, it's D doing something (whether it's on purpose, or most of the time, it's him being the fabulous unknowingly funny guy.) or saying something.  I love to laugh.

So I apologize if the last few days haven't been the most exciting of reads, I've been busy living ;)

29 minus 5

When I was 15 years old, I started to collect blue bottles.  This came about from one of my friends that I had connected with online.  She lived in New Hampshire, and we connected through heartache and writing.

I called her my blue bottled angel, and I bought a matching blue vase set, mailed one to her, and kept the other for myself.  We both wore Ralph Lauren Romance perfume.  We had both loved and lost and lost a little more.  We were connected through losing friends to suicide, to boyfriends who cheated on us.  We wrote about it, and attempted to share it with the rest of the world.

She was one of my best friends, someone I could always count on to be only a phone call away.

We're still in contact, though we don't talk nearly as much anymore, our lives have gone in completely different directions, and through that I realize how little we had in common to begin with, but how such small things were able to connect us.  Like a blue bottle.

I still have mine.  I have added to the collection over the years, and I display them proudly.  Several of my friends and lovers over the years have contributed to the collection.  I don't collect much of anything, but I have a feeling that I will hold onto those blue bottles for a long time.

29 minus 6

I was in Girl Scouts for 12 years. 

My last year was my sophomore year in high school, when I made the choice to concentrate more on band and my social life than spending all of my spare time with a bunch of other girls.  I mean, what fun is that?

My mother was my troop leader when I was a Daisy, and part of the time when I was a Brownie.  When I became a Junior was when a lot of my friends in the troop thinned out, and I was forced to associate with people I normally wouldn't have.  By the time I reached Senior status, pretty much the only reason I stayed involved was for the camping trips.

I loved Girl Scout camping.  We had a fall camping trip where we would dig holes in the ground to go to the bathroom, spend out afternoons hiking and chasing down firewood and finding random trees and flowers.  Our winter camping was in the Girl Scout lodge in Grand Island, if it was nice enough we could go out on the property and do the tree mazes, and the zip lines.  But most of the time the winter trips involved melting snow for water, and freezing the leader's bra while they slept.

I loved cooking on a campfire, and washing our dishes in water that was warmed over a flame.  I loved the homemade doughnuts, and the chicken on a haystack that was a staple of every camping trip.  I loved singing around the fire at night, telling ghost stories in the tents, putting on three layers of clothes and climbing in my sleeping bag, pulling the sleeping bag over my head so I didn't freeze.  Playing flashlight tag, taking nighttime hikes, scaring the crap out of each other.

I don't regret a single minute that I spent around these wonderful women.  I had wonderful mentors, these wonderful older women who taught me how to be strong, and determined, and brought out my sense of humor.  I made friends, and though there were some girls I didn't get along with, I can honestly say that I didn't make any enemies.

Leaving the girl scouts in my sophomore year was the right decision for me, at the time.  Looking back on it now, I wish I had stuck it out and went all the way.  Earned my silver and my gold torches.