tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31272153522421522592024-02-22T11:33:34.159-06:00Studies inSanityOnly those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go.
-- T.S. EliotSadiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05008445285533556196noreply@blogger.comBlogger178125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3127215352242152259.post-34225910401376920112022-09-30T10:33:00.000-05:002022-09-30T10:33:19.601-05:00October 2022 Goals: UPDATES<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgC_yVEAcBVvhqFHSjWZy6Q6jIBv642egEL5bSG6uCEnmcXnO72wFwiJvEi9WAWgy3RzIIm8GEJGheqgoBxmV-Hc6bYnnBF8AqAjp78ohNsisAA24MbDeczFS6nvD8luagxSWMbRsCbBYrOAWduT0DsY7_xtmAn8VPba1Udp-arOJMF2nxt8MOYLqmb/s1000/OCTOBER.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="667" data-original-width="1000" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgC_yVEAcBVvhqFHSjWZy6Q6jIBv642egEL5bSG6uCEnmcXnO72wFwiJvEi9WAWgy3RzIIm8GEJGheqgoBxmV-Hc6bYnnBF8AqAjp78ohNsisAA24MbDeczFS6nvD8luagxSWMbRsCbBYrOAWduT0DsY7_xtmAn8VPba1Udp-arOJMF2nxt8MOYLqmb/s320/OCTOBER.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><p></p><p><b style="background-color: white; color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><span style="font-size: large;">October 2022 Goals</span></b><br style="background-color: white; color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /></p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li><b style="background-color: white; color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">- Lose 5 pounds. This is less than a pound a week.</b></li><li><b style="background-color: white; color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">- Do new measurements.</b></li><li><b style="background-color: white; color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">- New progress photos.</b></li><li><b style="background-color: white; color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">- Go to the gym at least 10 times. (This is just over twice a week... minimum of 30 minutes)</b></li><li><b style="background-color: white; color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">- Beachbody workouts 5x a week.</b></li><li><b style="background-color: white; color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">- Take 30 minutes a day to just sit and be. Read, write, meditate. 30 minutes a day for me.</b></li><li><b style="background-color: white; color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">- Finish 1 new book.</b></li><li><b style="background-color: white; color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">- Sort through clothes. Donate, sell, trash.</b></li><li><b style="background-color: white; color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">- Learn to love the silence, sometimes.</b></li><li><span style="background-color: white;"><b style="color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">- Practice patience, and don't let the emotions of others dictate my own </b><span style="color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13px;"><b>responses.</b></span></span></span></li><li><span style="color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 13px;"><b>- Plan: meals, days, cleaning, etc. You feel better when you plan. SO JUST DO IT!</b></span></span></li></ul><p></p><p><span style="background-color: white;"><b style="color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><br /></b></span></p><br /><br />It has been quite a while since I have written here. Nearly two years. So much in my life has changed and altered since my last entry. <br /><br />I have changed. We all have.<br /><br />For the first time in my life, I am happy with where my life is at, though I still battle every day with being happy with where *I* am at. I feel as though no matter how hard I try; I cannot make improvements in the physical sense. I still cling to old methods to cope, which have NEVER served me, and I know in my heart and my head WILL never serve me.<br /><br />I want to try and pick up this blogging thing again. I still struggle with putting myself out there in a way that feels genuine and less edited. I still fear the repercussions of me speaking my truths with the world and being punished for it.<br /><br />The ten-year anniversary of my trauma is just around the corner, and every day I struggle with it. Every year is better than the next, but every year also serves to remind me that I am never going to be completely healed. I also feel guilty, constantly, for feeling that way as it feels like such a small thing compared to traumas other people have faced and struggle with and overcome. <br /><br />I am at peace, though. I am in love, and my cup runs over the majority of the time. I want to help other people better themselves in their own lives. I have so many grand plans, but not sure really where to start. I will get there, but just like everything else, that's going to take some practice.<br /><br />- I have missed you :)<br /><br />Love, Sadie<p><span style="background-color: white;"><b style="color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><br /></b></span></p><p><span style="background-color: white;"><b style="color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><br /></b></span></p><p><span style="background-color: white;"><b style="color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><br /></b></span></p><p><b style="background-color: white; color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><br /></b></p>Daiseehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11050906259020782665noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3127215352242152259.post-89561164352560531202020-01-02T07:04:00.002-06:002020-01-02T07:04:45.349-06:00January 2020 Goals<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEga9SQdj4icTYiT0BJMdoJ0dVKX3x4fN6y-0lt9sxspAf1rwlTnxDDrBsCYfLE5KDhyOMsfZkzlY2Ye3eD5pTAxR1u3mNikUxsZrwL0PhVm6N0moPM2ajiInpgY94duGuXvD3DpoiFPR7I/s1600/Jan2020.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="876" data-original-width="720" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEga9SQdj4icTYiT0BJMdoJ0dVKX3x4fN6y-0lt9sxspAf1rwlTnxDDrBsCYfLE5KDhyOMsfZkzlY2Ye3eD5pTAxR1u3mNikUxsZrwL0PhVm6N0moPM2ajiInpgY94duGuXvD3DpoiFPR7I/s320/Jan2020.jpg" width="263" /></a></div>
<b style="background-color: white; color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><br /></b>
<b style="background-color: white; color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><br /></b>
<b style="background-color: white; color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">January 2020 Goals</span></b><br style="background-color: white; color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><b style="background-color: white; color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">- Lose 2 pounds.</b><br style="background-color: white; color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><b style="background-color: white; color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">- Do new measurements.</b><br style="background-color: white; color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><b style="background-color: white; color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">- New progress photos.</b><br style="background-color: white; color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><b style="background-color: white; color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">- Go to the gym at least 20 times.</b><br />
<b style="background-color: white; color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">- Weight training - twice a week.</b><br />
<b style="background-color: white; color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">- Take 30 minutes a day to just sit and be. Read, write, meditate. 30 minutes a day for me.</b><br style="background-color: white; color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><b style="background-color: white; color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">- Say "I love you" more often, and mean it.</b><br style="background-color: white; color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><b style="background-color: white; color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">- Finish 1 new book.</b><br />
<b style="background-color: white; color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">- Sort through clothes. Donate, sell, trash.</b><br />
<b style="background-color: white; color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">- Learn to love the silence, sometimes.</b><br style="background-color: white; color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><b style="background-color: white; color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">- Get a pedicure.</b><br style="background-color: white; color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><b style="background-color: white; color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">- Have the most excellent, kick-ass time in Jamaica. Try not to poop myself during meet & greets.</b><br />
<b style="background-color: white; color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><br /></b>Daiseehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11050906259020782665noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3127215352242152259.post-24441173056728431762020-01-02T06:48:00.001-06:002020-01-02T07:06:32.315-06:002019 Goals recap, 2020 Goals - welcome to a new decade<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBWVfiWu0QZXYgNAim-5ofkueZMoLIzlUK6jh4_kIY4gjPZ6Dh0GTpMtG_Krvdmm7yzAgG9ZvTPZwmCwRbeIMJkeOysPzUPPJ2CAnN6N3-X_FSzqQ5Efmkrof1gBcp8sBcx9B6Y4BYabU/s1600/2020jan.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="750" data-original-width="964" height="247" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBWVfiWu0QZXYgNAim-5ofkueZMoLIzlUK6jh4_kIY4gjPZ6Dh0GTpMtG_Krvdmm7yzAgG9ZvTPZwmCwRbeIMJkeOysPzUPPJ2CAnN6N3-X_FSzqQ5Efmkrof1gBcp8sBcx9B6Y4BYabU/s320/2020jan.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #323232; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><b>2019 GOALS:</b></span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #323232; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">-lose:</span><br />
<br />
<ul style="background-color: white; color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 1.4; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; margin: 0.5em 0px; padding: 0px 2.5em;">
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;">50 lbs. I am keeping this relatively low, but also not going to short change myself. With the changes I have made recently, I don't think this is too hard of a number to shoot for at less than a pound a week.</li>
<ul>
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;"><b>WIN! In total I lost 78.8 lbs. This comes out to over a third of my body weight. In truth, I lost all of this in about 11 months, as I haven't lost anything in over a month now. I haven't shared numbers up until this point. In January 2019, I weighed in at 233 lbs. As of my lowest weight, I currently weigh 154.2 lbs.</b></li>
</ul>
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;">negative self-talk</li>
<ul>
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;"><b>This is always a double edged sword. I feel as though there are certain days that I do better at this than others. I feel as though this last year there was definitely less negative self-talk than in previous years.</b></li>
</ul>
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;">toxic people</li>
<ul>
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;"><b>Mixed. I did manage to cut one very toxic person out of my life, though he still tries from time to time to regain contact. Unfortunately, I added in another that I am trying to break free of.</b></li>
</ul>
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;">excuses</li>
<ul>
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;"><b>WIN. I never bit off more than I could chew. I made goals and most of them I stuck to. Moving forward...</b></li>
</ul>
</ul>
<br style="background-color: white; color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #323232; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">-gain:</span><br />
<br />
<ul style="background-color: white; color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 1.4; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; margin: 0.5em 0px; padding: 0px 2.5em;">
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;">strength</li>
<ul>
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;"><b>WIN! But different than I had envisioned. I didn't do strength training like I wanted to, but in slimming down, I gained muscle I never knew existed.</b></li>
</ul>
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;">flexibility</li>
<ul>
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;"><b>WIN! see above. Not in the way that was planned, but gained all the more.</b></li>
</ul>
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;">endurance</li>
<ul>
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;"><b>WIN! I can now run a 9 minute mile. I can run for longer periods of time. I have a difficult time getting my heart rate over 150.</b></li>
</ul>
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;">confidence in myself</li>
<ul>
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;"><b>WIN! Through the roof.</b></li>
</ul>
</ul>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">
- read 24 books, start to finish.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">
<ul><ul>
<li><b>FAIL! I read a total of 9 start to finish. I started probably 10 that I never finished. Other activities, and lack of concentration were my barriers here.</b></li>
</ul>
</ul>
</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">
-continue to make better food choices. (I've been seriously considering giving Keto a try, but I need guidance... anyone around to help me?)</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">
<ul><ul>
<li><b>Keto has been hands down the best thing that has ever happened to me health-wise. I want to continue with it until I hit my goal weight (140 lbs), and then I'd like to move to a more low-card, paleo diet. I'd love to be able to start eating fruit again on the regular.</b></li>
</ul>
</ul>
</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">
-laugh, loudly, and so hard that I snort... on a regular basis.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">
<ul><ul>
<li><b>Definitely need more of this in my life. I feel as though a lot has slipped through my fingers this last year, as I have been so internally focused that a lot of other things fell to the ground. I've managed to stay in decent touch with some friends, but have completely lost contact with others. I need more laughter in my life.</b></li>
</ul>
</ul>
</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">
-remind the people I love how much they mean to me, and regularly.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">
<ul><ul>
<li><b>Tentative WIN! We can always do better with this, but I think I did more than previously.</b></li>
</ul>
</ul>
</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">
-continue to get a handle on my finances and start saving, even if it's small, it's something.</div>
<div style="background-color: white;">
<ul style="color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><ul>
<li><b>WIN!? My savings account currently has $154.08 in it. Which is more than it had last year... It's not what I wanted, but it's something.</b></li>
</ul>
</ul>
<div style="color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div>
<b style="color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">2019 was a year of change. Physically, mentally, emotionally. I gained more self-esteem than I ever knew existed. I put myself out there in ways I haven't for close to a decade. I fell in love with myself, and my body. I love the way it moves and the things it is </b><span style="color: #323232; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13px;"><b>capable</b></span></span><b style="color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"> of. I know appearance isn't everything. I know that my body is simply the shell that I inhabit, but it helps when your shell is carved and molded in the way you picture it. Or at least is in the process of getting there.</b></div>
<div>
<b style="color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><br /></b></div>
<div>
<b style="color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">I told myself that I had no plans to date this year. And I didn't plan to. Some things just fell out of thin air, and I let them happen. I reconnected with an old friend, who over the last six months has reshaped my world. It's simple and uncomplicated, and right now I think that's exactly what the two of us need. I also met and have dealt with new friends, old friends, old </b><span style="color: #323232; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13px;"><b>acquaintances</b></span></span><b style="color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">, and have had mixed feelings and signals from all of them. I need to learn when to walk away. I need to learn to listen to people when they tell me who they are. </b></div>
<div>
<b style="color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><br /></b></div>
<div>
<b style="color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">An old friend once described me as a "forever person". My best friend, Linda, on New Years<br />Eve described me as someone who is all in, always. She is correct. I am my mother's child. I want to feed you, and care for you, and make sure you're comfortable when in my presence. If I care for you, I will drop nearly anything and everything to be there for you. I rarely expect it in return. I rarely get it in return. I NEED to stop making people priorities who treat me as if I'm optional. So... I guess here we go, what I want for 2020.</b></div>
<div>
<b style="color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><br /></b></div>
<div>
<b style="color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><br /></b></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #323232; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: large;">2020 GOALS:</span></b></span><br />
<br style="color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" />
<span style="color: #323232; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">-lose:</span><br />
<ul style="color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 1.4; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; margin: 0.5em 0px; padding: 0px 2.5em;">
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;">20 lbs. This is less than 2 lbs a month. Totally realistic.</li>
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;">toxic people - this includes new people who may come into my life with red flags blazing. Let them go. </li>
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;">clutter - first and foremost old clothes that no longer fit. You will never wear them again, donate, throw away, get rid of the shit you do not need. You will feel better when you do.</li>
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;">excuses</li>
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;">the desire to "fix" people. I am only responsible for myself and my choices. If someone is broken, it is not up to me to repair them. Be there if they ask, but don't shoulder all of the blame when and if they are unwilling or unable to be the person you see them as.</li>
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;">The thought that everything has to be "perfect" in order to be happy.</li>
</ul>
<br style="color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" />
<span style="color: #323232; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">-gain:</span><br />
<ul style="color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 1.4; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; margin: 0.5em 0px; padding: 0px 2.5em;">
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;">strength - in all aspects. Physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. </li>
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;">flexibility - in all aspects. See above.</li>
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;">respect for myself. Know my limits, set boundaries and stick to them. This does not make you a bitch. This means you are strong and not willing to let people walk all over you.</li>
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;">confidence in myself - in all aspects.</li>
</ul>
<div>
<span style="color: #323232; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13px;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #323232; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13px;">- read 12 books. I'm setting the number low this year, as this will allow me time for other activities, and feeling less pressure.</span></span></div>
<div style="color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">
- Go do something fun once a month. Movies, pedicure, out to the bar to play pool or darts with friends. Do something for me.</div>
<div style="color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">
- decrease needless spending, and SAVE. Things do not buy happiness.</div>
<div style="color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">
- LESS SOCIAL MEDIA - consider a month or more blackout of FB.</div>
<div style="color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">
- Less reliance on text messaging. Try to have actual phone conversations more. Don't live my life moment to moment waiting for someone to reply to me.</div>
<div style="color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">
- Try to find one new recipe a week to make for dinner.</div>
<div style="color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">
- laugh. Hard. Like no one is watching.</div>
<div style="color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">
- love. Hard. Like no one is watching. From my fingertips to my toes.<br />
- express gratitude.<br />
- more sun, more water... more life.</div>
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<div style="color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">
I will try to get January 2020 goals up sometime today or tomorrow. I can't believe we're already on day 2 and I am just now getting to this.</div>
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<div style="color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;">
<b><span style="font-size: large;"><3 Sadie</span></b></div>
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Daiseehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11050906259020782665noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3127215352242152259.post-71428342267546684672019-10-31T20:47:00.001-05:002019-10-31T20:47:13.559-05:00September/October 2019 recap - November 2019 Goals<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5sZ_mB2FRyVJmDTONy0jt1bBH7-IB7YDbJJJ8wPUNM2nXjKRJu2jAmFsQ5veUCq_knD1VU_6AlK3U6DZjDx5G_9GHao7ACx0MTQKgy1dorjkDfc9WCVdUNH0u61lYCAWveBepeDmlgaw/s1600/november+2019.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="471" data-original-width="480" height="313" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5sZ_mB2FRyVJmDTONy0jt1bBH7-IB7YDbJJJ8wPUNM2nXjKRJu2jAmFsQ5veUCq_knD1VU_6AlK3U6DZjDx5G_9GHao7ACx0MTQKgy1dorjkDfc9WCVdUNH0u61lYCAWveBepeDmlgaw/s320/november+2019.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
I didn't recap my goals for September, or set goals for October this last month. This was more out of laziness and lack of time than anything else. My weight loss has slowed, though has not stopped, and it's difficult for me not to have the same successes that I had been having (and wrapping my brain around that, even though I know it makes sense), so I decided to take a step back. I still managed to lose over 11 lbs in those two months. <br />
<br />
In October, I went to the gym 35 times. I haven't been reading like I would like to, but I have made progress on some of my non-scale goals. My closet has been cleaned out and organized. I actually FOUND a pair of shoes I had forgotten about, brand new Fila sneakers, so that was a nice surprise.<br />
<br />
I FINALLY got up the courage to block my narcissistic ex on all forms of social media, and his phone number. After threatening to "turn me in" (for what, I have no idea) to my work, I let him know that there are some lines you absolutely cannot cross, and that was one of them. (Let my ED know that this threat had been made, and she told me to give him her name so he could ask for her directly, lol) It's been extremely freeing not worrying about him blowing up my phone at odd hours, or continually having to decline phone calls. There is some crazy that nothing in this world is able to fix.<br />
<br />
I am in a good place. I have some amazing people in my life. I am really very, very lucky. I have so much to be thankful for. I need to remember that more often.<br />
<br />
<br />
<b>November 2019 Goals</b><br />
<b>- Maintain weight. If a loss happens, great.</b><br />
<b>- Do new measurements.</b><br />
<b>- New progress photos.</b><br />
<b>- Go to the gym at least 20 times.</b><br />
<b>- Christmas shopping - get the majority of it completed.</b><br />
<b>- Say "I love you" more often, and mean it.</b><br />
<b>- Finish 1 new book.</b><br />
<b>- Learn to love the silence, sometimes.</b><br />
<b>- Get a pedicure.</b><br />
<b>- Do ONE thing that scares me.</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<b><br /></b>Daiseehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11050906259020782665noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3127215352242152259.post-31662351142058843142019-09-03T19:49:00.001-05:002019-09-03T19:49:20.204-05:00August 2019 Goals Recap - September 2019 Goals<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqJoYZGU1hle2PagsnRD-XQXUf1cXhPJL8gxugLj-bSVoLRouACMDtvUg3XZ51Z-3Y3IAbco6AdR4H2YaNKD-vkPjknAEx1Kms-Lh3sxtXSsp1xYIHADsUSZEt-lIE9-Po3w9vtkqQSvY/s1600/august2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="267" data-original-width="400" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqJoYZGU1hle2PagsnRD-XQXUf1cXhPJL8gxugLj-bSVoLRouACMDtvUg3XZ51Z-3Y3IAbco6AdR4H2YaNKD-vkPjknAEx1Kms-Lh3sxtXSsp1xYIHADsUSZEt-lIE9-Po3w9vtkqQSvY/s320/august2.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
I started the month of July on a boat, and I ended August on that same boat, in the middle of a lake, watching all of the stars above us. I feel as though this entire summer, like most, went far too quickly. I feel like I am a different person emerging on this end of the season. I am enjoying my life, and those people around me. For the first time in a very long time I am beginning to feel as though I belong where I am, in this moment. And that's a good feeling.<br />
<br />
I feel the changes in my body, even if I don't always see them. I feel them in my face, in my collarbones, in my hands and feet, in my shoulders. My wrists have shrunk. A good friend referred to me as "dainty" the other day, which made me laugh, because for anyone who has ever known me, dainty is not something I exude. <br />
<br />
Sometimes I feel like I need to hurry up and get somewhere and do something and be someone. (DO.GO.BE) What I really need to do is take a deep breath, slow down, and enjoy the journey. Things were not meant to be instant. It's a step by step process, and I wish I could accept that easier. I want everything and I want it now. So essentially, what I'd like for Christmas this year is patience. <br />
<br />
<b>AUGUST 2019 GOALS RECAP</b><br />
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<b>Lose 4 lbs. Be okay with losing 4 lbs.</b></div>
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- WIN! I lost 9.6 lbs. In the last two months, I have lost 20 lbs!</div>
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<b>Go to the gym 20 times.</b></div>
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- WIN! I went 31 times. Several of those were double duty days. I never missed a weekday.</div>
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<b>Less cardio, more thoughts on strength.</b></div>
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- FAIL! Why is this one so hard for me?</div>
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<br /></div>
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<b>Finish 2 books.</b></div>
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- WIN! I finished The Outsider, All the Ugly and Wonderful Things, and Our Homesick Songs. I am about 1/4 through The Silent Corner.</div>
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<br /></div>
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<b>If you can't change it, let it go.</b></div>
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- Pending. Every day I'm working on it. I'm working on my reaction to things, as this is really the only thing I am able to control.</div>
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<br /></div>
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<b>Finish closet organizing.</b></div>
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- FAIL! Yeah, this and strength training. Can't bring myself to do it!</div>
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<br /></div>
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<b>Take progress photos.</b></div>
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- WIN! I have taken several at the end of last month, and throughout this month. I'm starting to look frumpy again with my pants not fitting correctly.</div>
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<br /></div>
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<b>Stop kicking myself for the things I cannot control.</b></div>
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- See above with change. I am doing better with taking deep breaths and letting certain things roll off.</div>
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<br /></div>
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<b>If it's meant to be, it will be. Let it be.</b></div>
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- Preach, sista.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpRr-9DCUAYouaHxNK9Yb-zCiwuNYPz_Y3I8KJWAlOFys5uOMJmg8P3_7VRz2Ul_9Ti4X08kKPK5Kb_EIkpO_z1voVf-ne9YxersdUs11KhxgB81MbpbNA-_89fz1uw49BFcvN_P4R-t0/s1600/sept.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="599" data-original-width="400" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpRr-9DCUAYouaHxNK9Yb-zCiwuNYPz_Y3I8KJWAlOFys5uOMJmg8P3_7VRz2Ul_9Ti4X08kKPK5Kb_EIkpO_z1voVf-ne9YxersdUs11KhxgB81MbpbNA-_89fz1uw49BFcvN_P4R-t0/s320/sept.jpg" width="214" /></a></div>
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<b>SEPTEMBER 2019 GOALS</b></div>
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- Lose 4 lbs. Be okay with losing 4 lbs.</div>
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- Go to the gym 20 times.</div>
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- Weights at least 6 times at the gym.</div>
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- Finish two books.</div>
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- Find and make 1 new recipe per week.</div>
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- Dance my ass off at the Kansas State Fair.</div>
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- Hug more. Love more. Show it more.</div>
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- Organize closet, start sorting through guest room.</div>
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- Accept what people have to offer. Drink their milkshakes. Take their love.</div>
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Daiseehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11050906259020782665noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3127215352242152259.post-75321314384989039432019-08-01T20:17:00.000-05:002019-08-01T20:17:57.438-05:00July 2019 Goals Recap - August 2019 Goals<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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July has taken my breath away. </div>
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I began the month on a boat, in the middle of a lake, watching fireworks with a man who had his arm draped casually around my back, his hand on my hip. I cultivated new relationships, rekindled old friendships, and stepped outside of my comfort zone in a way that I haven't for a long time. </div>
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I allowed myself to melt a little. I allowed the vulnerability to come to the surface. Something I thought J had taken away, and made me cold. I remembered that I am not cold.</div>
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I am told at least daily how much I've changed physically. Sometimes by people I know, sometimes by near strangers. While hearing it encourages me to continue doing what I have been doing, it also makes me more attune to the "invisible fat girl" that I was.</div>
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<b>JULY 2019 GOALS RECAP</b></div>
<b><br /></b><b>Lose 4 lbs. Be okay with losing 4 lbs.</b><br /><b>- </b>This one is a HUGE WIN! I lost 11.6 lbs.<br /><br /><b>Go to the gym 20 times</b><br /><b>-</b> WIN! I went 29 times. Several of those I went twice in one day.<br /><br /><b>Take new measurements.</b><br /><b>-</b> WIN! I actually took them this afternoon. The last ones I took were the end of March, shortly after starting the keto diet. Since then I am down 3 inches in my neck, 6 inches in my bust, 4.5 inches in my waist, and 4 inches in my hips. No wonder my clothes don't fit.<br /><br /><b>Finish two books.</b><br /><b>- </b>WIN! I finished The Good Girl, and just this morning finished The Outsider.<br /><br /><b>Buy new workout shoes.</b><br /><b>-</b> FAIL! Any and all not necessary expenses have been suspended for the time being. I will make my old shoes work for now.<br /><br /><b>Make a dentist appointment.</b><br /><b>-</b> FAIL! See above. Not necessary at this point in time.<br /><br /><b>1 week vegetarian keto</b><br /><b>-</b> FAIL! Keto is hard. Trying to get my fat and protein without meat was too hard and was causing undue stress. I gave up two days in.</div>
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<b>Organize my closet</b></div>
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- FAIL! I am making progress, though. Currently, half of my closet is draped and folded on my couch, so that's something, right?</div>
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<b>Stretch nightly.</b></div>
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- WIN! Maybe not nightly, but definitely daily.</div>
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<b>AUGUST 2019 GOALS</b></div>
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- Lose 4 lbs. Be okay with losing 4 lbs.</div>
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- Go to the gym 20 times.</div>
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- Less cardio, more thoughts on strength.</div>
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- Finish two books.</div>
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- If you can't change it, let it go.</div>
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- Finish closet organizing.</div>
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- Take progress photos</div>
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- Stop kicking myself for things I cannot control</div>
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- If it's meant to be, it will be. Let it be.</div>
Daiseehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11050906259020782665noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3127215352242152259.post-22870392966798525202019-07-01T18:14:00.000-05:002019-07-01T18:57:36.663-05:00June 2019 Goals Recap - July 2019 Goals<div class="post-body entry-content" id="post-body-2674526553872374768" itemprop="description articleBody" style="background-color: white; color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 1.4; position: relative; width: 536px;">
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<b>JUNE 2019 GOALS RECAP</b></div>
<b><br /></b><b>Lose 5 lbs</b><br />
<b>- </b>FAIL! Stepping on the scale today and I have only lost 3.<br />
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<b>Continue doing keto</b><br />
<b>-</b> WIN! I didn't make as many new things as I would have liked to, but I did eat a lot of different things, especially while on vacation. I did NOT do one week meat free, though.<br />
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<b>Go to the gym at least 20 times</b><br />
<b>-</b> FAIL. I went 18 times. I made my step goal every day while on vacation, and I even went to the gym twice while in Florida. I have a hard time making myself go on the weekends, though. Maybe will make it next month.<br />
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<b>Start and finish 2 books</b><br />
<b>- </b>WIN! I FINALLY finished A Game of Thrones. I read The Woods, Daisy Jones and the Six, and I am about halfway through The Good Girl.<br />
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<b>Apply lotion on a daily basis</b><br />
<b>-</b> Surprisingly enough, this one is a WIN! I've gotten into the habit directly after my shower, and it really helps keep my tan from getting ashy.<br />
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<b>Begin weights</b><br />
<b>-</b> Yet again, major FAIL on this one.<br />
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<b>More laughter, less anger and sadness</b><br />
<b>-</b> I have been having a difficult time in regulating some of my moods recently. I think a lot of it has to do with my drastic change in weight over the last several months, and stress. Stress absolutely kills my mental health. I am reading and learning more about my diagnoses every day, and it helps to know that I am not alone in my struggles. Maybe not more laughter, and not less anger, but this month was definitely less sad.</div>
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<b>Do NOT get a sunburn in Florida</b></div>
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- There were a couple of days that I was a bit toasty, but I wouldn't say I got burned, as it never hurt. It was also very warm, and I pink up in the heat. So, WIN!</div>
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<b>Remain silent when needed</b></div>
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- WIN! A month and a half no-contact, and every day hurts a little bit less.</div>
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I'm gonna be honest, this last month was a tough one. It's tough for me to step on the scale and have there be little to no movement. It's tough for me to go on vacation and say no to all of the delicious food that I would have previously eaten, and then get home and I haven't lost anything. It's hard to not have clothes that fit, and not really be able to afford to go out and buy ones that do, so I just make what I have work. It's hard when you miss someone, but you know missing them is better than the shit they put you through time and time again. I am working on it. I am working on seeing myself as others see me. I am working at looking at myself through a lense that isn't completely distorted from years and years of self loathing. I am trying.</div>
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<b>JULY 2019 GOALS</b></div>
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- Lose 4 lbs. Be okay with losing 4 lbs.</div>
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- Go to the gym 20 times.</div>
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- Take new measurements.</div>
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- Finish two books.</div>
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- Buy new workout shoes.</div>
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- Make a dentist appointment.</div>
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- 1 week vegetarian keto.</div>
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- Organize my closet.</div>
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- Stretch nightly.</div>
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Daiseehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11050906259020782665noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3127215352242152259.post-26745265538723747682019-06-04T22:00:00.000-05:002019-06-04T22:00:16.567-05:00May 2019 Goals Recap - June 2019 Goals<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
<b>MAY 2019 GOALS RECAP</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>Lose 5 lbs</b><br />
<b>- </b>WIN! Officially lost 6.6 lbs.<br />
<br />
<b>Continue doing keto</b><br />
<b>-</b> WIN! I haven't been as closely monitoring my macros, but I am definitely still living the keto life.<br />
<br />
<b>Go to the gym at least 20 time</b><br />
<b>-</b> FAIL. I went 18 times. Several of those were 2x a day. However, I spent five days in Tulsa the middle of the month, and walked more than 15k steps each day, didn't gain any weight, and didn't cheat on my keto. Not once.<br />
<br />
<b>Have a kickass time in Tulsa</b><br />
<b>- </b>WIN! Kickass doesn't even begin the describe the pilgrimage to Mecca. Throw on top of it my favorite band, and some of my absolute favorite women in the entire world, and the music is just beautiful icing on the cake.<br />
<br />
<b>Strength training</b><br />
<b>-</b> *laughs hysterically* this is a major FAIL. Other than random gardening, I haven't done anything remotely strength training. I'm still trying to find my nerve at the gym, and when I'm home, I want to be outside. <br />
<br />
<b>Read. Finish GOT and start something a little lighter. Finish that, too.</b><br />
<b>-</b> Fail. I am on the last few chapters of the book. I will likely finish that up tomorrow. I will then select an easy book for the next week before vacation, and then something super fun for the Florida vacay.<br />
<br />
<b>Let love in</b><br />
<b>-</b> I don't know whether to count this as a win or a fail. In so many ways, I have. I have also let some of it go, or am in the process of doing just that. Just because you love someone, and they love you, and you know that with all of your soul, doesn't mean they are good for you. And vice versa. I was tired of having to work so hard for so little. And I have been writing about it. <br />Not sure if it's writing anyone will ever see, except me, but it's something. I am working on filling that hole inside of me that is ripped, and raw, and feels like it will never fit together again. I had to let it go to make room for, hopefully, something better. Even if that something is me.<br />
<br />
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<br />
<b>June 2019 Goals</b><br />
- Lose 5 lbs. Be okay with only losing 5 lbs.<br />
- Continue on keto.<br />
- find some new recipes. At least one new meal a week.<br />
- try to do one week completely meat-free.<br />
- Go to the gym 20 times.<br />
- Start and finish 2 books.<br />
- Apply lotion on a daily basis.<br />
- Begin lifting weights. If I can't handle that, squats and push-ups at home, twice a week.<br />
- More laughter, less anger and sadness.<br />
- Do <u>not</u> get a sunburn in Florida.<br />
- Remember that not everything that happens, happens because of or in spite of me. Most people don't think about me at all most days, and the ones who do matter will think of me kindly.<br />
- Remain silent when needed. It speaks louder than anything.<br />
<br />Daiseehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11050906259020782665noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3127215352242152259.post-37694840215493230972019-04-30T20:40:00.000-05:002019-04-30T20:40:05.330-05:00April 2019 Goals Recap - May 2019 Goals<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<b><br /></b>
<b><br /></b>
<b>APRIL 2019 GOALS RECAP</b><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><b>Lose 5 lbs</b></span><br />
- WIN! As of today, I've lost 8.6 lbs. <br />
<br style="background-color: white;" />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><b>Continue doing keto</b></span><br />
- WIN! I did make some concessions this last weekend when my sister was in town for my birthday, and didn't keep track of my carbs, and ate half a pint of ice cream, BUT that's the only real "cheating" I did. And I'm considering it more "indulging".<br />
<span style="color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Times New Roman;"><br /></span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><b>Go to the gym at least 20 times</b></span><br />
- WIN! 21 visits as of today!<br />
<br /><span style="background-color: white; color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><b>Finish A Game of Thrones, and start the next book</b></span><br />
- FAIL. I really need to make time for more reading in my life.<br />
<span style="color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Times New Roman;"><br /></span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><b>Run, when I can, when I feel like it, and because I want to</b></span><br />
- I'll call this a WIN. Toward the beginning of the month, my friend L wanted to start c25k. I ran with her. I didn't run otherwise, which was exactly what I wanted to do. :D<br />
<span style="color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Times New Roman;"><br /></span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><b>Strength training, begin to think about how this will fit into my schedule. Will this be something I do at the gym, or at home? Start asking myself these questions.</b></span><br />
- My PLAN is to do some body resistance training at home when I don't have to haul Aiden all over the place, and maybe half an hour of lifting at the gym in the evenings. I need someone to help me stick to this one.<br />
<span style="color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Times New Roman;"><br /></span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><b>Get a pedicure</b></span><br />
- WIN! Got one this last weekend with my seester for my birthday!<br />
<span style="color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Times New Roman;"><br /></span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><b>Perhaps a brief weekend trip to the mountains? or at least out of central Nebraska.</b></span><br />
- I wasn't able to swing that this month, however, I am taking a quick trip out to Loveland this Saturday. So half-win.<br />
<span style="color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Times New Roman;"><br /></span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><b>Love, unconditionally, without reason, and do it for me, not for anyone else.</b></span><br />
<br />
- Still trying. Everyday. Starting with myself.<br />
<br style="background-color: white;" />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><b>May 2019 Goals: </b></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;">- Lose 5 lbs (this will take me to my first REALLY BIG goal weight wise... I will reward myself with a tattoo)</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;">- Continue doing keto</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;">- Go to the gym at least 20 times</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;">- Have a kickass time in Tulsa</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;">- Begin strength training</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;" /><span style="color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;">- Read. Finish GOT, and start something a little lighter. Finish that, too.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;">- let love in.</span></span>Daiseehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11050906259020782665noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3127215352242152259.post-6632894293427899402019-03-31T19:41:00.002-05:002019-03-31T19:41:31.888-05:00March 2019 Goals Recap - April 2019 Goals<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<b style="background-color: white; color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><br /></b>
<b style="background-color: white; color: #323232; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">MARCH 2019 GOALS RECAP:</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>Lose 5 pounds:</b><br />
- As of this morning, I have lost 12.2 lbs this month, more than double my goal. Super proud of this.<br />
<br />
<b>Go to the gym at least 20 times. Attempt to go to the gym at least one day on the weekend.</b><br />
- If I had gone to the gym today, it would have made 20 even. There were some days I pulled doubles, once in the morning, once in the evening. As of right now, though, 19 times. I did go on several walks outside when it was nice out, instead of going to the gym.<br />
<br />
<b>C25K at least twice a week.</b><br />
- FAIL. I suck as this one.<br />
<br />
<b>Try the keto diet for at least a week.</b><br />
-WIN! This one is SO win. I started March 4th, and tomorrow marks the start of my 5th week. It hasn't been easy, but it has been easier than I thought it would be. I'm doing what is referred to as "dirty keto", where I'm counting my carbs, and my macros, but still eating SOME processed food. I attribute this to the extra weight I was able to lose this month.<br />
I went through a couple of days of the "keto fog" where it was hard to concentrate. I lost a lot of energy initially, but as of last week, my energy has returned, and then some.<br />
<br />
<b>Meal plan.</b><br />
- WIN! With keto there HAS to be a plan. I have to meal prep, I have to decide what I'm making beforehand to make sure I have all of the right stuff. It's getting easier if I plan ahead.<br />
<br />
<b>Make one new meal every week.</b><br />
- WIN! Taco soup, Hamburger bake, Stuffed chicken breasts, zoodles, Alfredo over broccoli and chicken, lots of omelets, bacon crust pizza, riced cauliflower stir fry...<br />
<br />
<b>Finish Into The Water. Start (and hopefully finish) a new book.</b><br />
- WIN! to finally finishing that book. I started A Game of Thrones. I'm about 1/3 of the way through it and LOVING it.<br />
<br />
<b>Write down at least one thing a day I'm thankful for, appreciative of, or that made my day not so sucky.</b><br />
-WIN! Though I didn't share all of these, and I didn't physically write down a lot of them, I did make mental notes of all of the good in my life. All of the laughter and support. My relationship with my son. Even on the shit days, there is so much good all around me.<br />
<br />
<b>Take body measurements.</b><br />
-WIN! I just did this tonight. I also took some photos and compared them to photos taken a year ago, and the difference is very visible. So, for body measurements, since the 1st of January...<br />
*Neck: -1"<br />
*Chest: -1"<br />
*Bust: -2"<br />
*Waist: -2.5"<br />
*Hips: - 2.5"<br />
*Thigh: L -2" R -2"<br />
So.... I am down all the way around. I have noticed the water retention in my ankles has decreased, i feel that my face, and legs, and torso are thinner. It's about time I started noticing that all of this exhausting work is paying off.<br />
<br />
<br />
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<br />
- Lose 5 lbs<br />
- Continue doing keto<br />
- Go to the gym at least 20 times<br />
- Finish A Game of Thrones, and start the next book<br />
- Run, when I can, when I feel like it, and because I want to<br />
- Strength training, begin to think about how this will fit into my schedule. Will this be something I do at the gym, or at home? Start asking myself these questions.<br />
- Get a pedicure<br />
- Perhaps a brief weekend trip to the mountains? or at least out of central Nebraska.<br />
- Love, unconditionally, without reason, and do it for me, not for anyone else.<br />
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<br />Daiseehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11050906259020782665noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3127215352242152259.post-27697593745765665342019-02-28T19:07:00.001-06:002019-02-28T19:07:24.416-06:00February 2019 Goal Recap - March 2019 Goals<div>
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<b><br /></b>
<br />
<b>FEBRUARY 2019 GOALS</b><b> RECAP:</b></div>
<div>
Lose 5 pounds.<br />
<b>- as of today's weigh in, I'm down 4.2 lbs since the first of this month. I am down 10.8 lbs since January 1st, so right on track.</b><br />
<b><br /></b></div>
<div>
Go to the gym at least 20 times. </div>
<div>
<b>- FAIL. I went 12. I could list all of the reasons why, but that's for another post. I will say that I ended the month strong.</b><br />
<br />
C25k at least twice a week.<br />
<b>- FAIL. I redid week 3 after getting back from Jamaica. Then the week of the 18th, shit went south. I plan to start up again this month. Repeat week 3, again. I do find my body responding better to the running when I give it a little bit of a break.</b><br />
<br /></div>
<div>
Drink more water<br />
<b>- I'm counting this one as a win. I have been drinking A LOT of tea, not just at home, but at work. I also have found a water bottle I don't hate, and that's been my constant companion.</b><br />
<br />
Meal planning - try to find a method not only for making the meals, but not overbuying at the grocery store.<br />
<b>- I actually started this more this week. I plan to give the Keto plan a try this coming month, and I know without the planning, it will fall apart. For the rest of the month, big fat FAIL.</b><br />
<br />
Make one NEW meal every week.<br />
<b>- Yeah. No. FAIL.</b><br />
<br /></div>
<div>
Average no less than 10k steps a day.<br />
<b>- Other than the week of the 18th, this is a win. Another month with a lot of miles. I haven't added them up yet.</b><br />
<br /></div>
<div>
Read 2 books.<br />
<b>- We barely cracked any books in Jamaica. I have found my concentration lacking the last few weeks, and I haven't finished Into The Water yet. This weekend.</b><br />
<br /></div>
<div>
Make sure the kitchen sink, kitchen counters, and dining room table are clean, and wiped off every night before going to bed.<br />
<b>- There were a couple of days when this didn't get done, but for the most part, it's been a WIN!</b><br />
<br />
Be mindful of negative self talk.<br />
<b>- I cannot remember the last time I have been so down in a really long time. For the most part, though, I've been pretty happy with myself and my progress.</b><br />
<br /></div>
<div>
Buy fresh flowers, at least once.<br />
<b>- I didn't need to. :) My Valentine sent me two dozen beautiful roses.</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<b><br /></b>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwvAMWu6WeoWYb1_lr0QRXfXuFcPk31K2O_uClvMUjfs2_5Plu6EFOkWbTnGTymC6fZVQiqhc3V4typeB7mZwy1kxOlCyYo8tzdzmcNbz0Eyc7MC5V67I0YKvLCgdAQLsTAhwZ_uQvsJo/s1600/march2019.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="729" data-original-width="750" height="310" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwvAMWu6WeoWYb1_lr0QRXfXuFcPk31K2O_uClvMUjfs2_5Plu6EFOkWbTnGTymC6fZVQiqhc3V4typeB7mZwy1kxOlCyYo8tzdzmcNbz0Eyc7MC5V67I0YKvLCgdAQLsTAhwZ_uQvsJo/s320/march2019.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<b><br /></b>
<b><br /></b>
<b>March 2019 GOALS:</b><br />
- Lose 5 pounds.<br />
- Go to the gym at least 20 times. Attempt to go to the gym at least one day on the weekend.<br />
- C25K at least twice a week.<br />
- Try the keto diet for at least a week.<br />
- Meal plan.<br />
- Make one NEW meal every week.<br />
- Finish Into The Water. Start (and hopefully finish) a new book.<br />
- Write down at least one thing a day I'm thankful for, appreciative of, or that made my day not so sucky.<br />
- Take body measurements.</div>
Daiseehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11050906259020782665noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3127215352242152259.post-35662778533739086292019-01-29T13:37:00.003-06:002019-01-29T13:42:08.090-06:00January 2019 recap, February 2019 goals<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHnLBQha-qournplBSiLcetXYDiGCa9U5g9gpJLhTi8cu5tlkJXIPr_e01XfoDnE1o_YQFLQtqFINKF-4rjN0HeoIp-RPDpIaZVCbSODq7ERmJdqaKf_nf4f-c0YbEH3L4GeUt0SMh7uY/s1600/sand.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="422" data-original-width="750" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHnLBQha-qournplBSiLcetXYDiGCa9U5g9gpJLhTi8cu5tlkJXIPr_e01XfoDnE1o_YQFLQtqFINKF-4rjN0HeoIp-RPDpIaZVCbSODq7ERmJdqaKf_nf4f-c0YbEH3L4GeUt0SMh7uY/s320/sand.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
I am recapping my month a couple of days early, as this time tomorrow, I will be in Jamaica. This trip is a long time in the making, and almost a year of planning, and it is going to be amazing.<br />
<br />
That being said, here we go.<br />
<br />
<br />
<b>JANUARY 2019 GOALS: RECAP</b><br />
<div>
Lose 5 pounds.<br />
<b>- As of yesterday morning I am down 6.6 lbs since the start of the month.</b><br />
<br />
Take body measurements.<br />
<b>- DONE!</b><br />
<b><br /></b></div>
<div>
Go to the gym at least 20 times.<br />
<b>- As of this morning, and my trip to a foreign Anytime Fitness in Denver, I went 20 times. I am going to try to make it to the resort gym at least a few times, so that number may be higher.</b><br />
<br /></div>
<div>
c25k at least twice a week.<br />
<b>- I finished W3D1 of c25k last Monday. I know excuses are like assholes, but we had some really terrible weather, and were busy with things like concerts. I plan to restart week 3 when I get back from vacation. </b><br />
<br /></div>
<div>
begin strength training - weights, or body resistance 2x a week.<br />
<b>- This is something I need to do better with. I did do body resistance workouts a few times, but not like I wanted to.</b><br />
<br /></div>
<div>
Average no less than 10k steps a day.<br />
<b>- This was a big fat WIN, other than weekends. I will add it up when I get home, but I think I was close to 175 miles this month.</b><br />
<br /></div>
<div>
Read 2 books.<br />
<b>- Read Pet Sematary, and restarted Into The Water. I will hopefully finish this in our time in the airport tonight and into tomorrow. I plan to start the first Game of Thrones after that.</b><br />
<br /></div>
<div>
Get a pedicure before BTTI2019.<br />
<b>- DONE! The color I picked is called Aloha!</b><br />
<br /></div>
<div>
Be mindful of negative self talk.<br />
<b>- This is a struggle. I have my good days, and I have my bad days. On my bad days I try to remember to talk to myself as if I was speaking to one of my friends. I love my friends. Unconditionally, and with all of their flaws. I am trying to do the same with myself.</b><br />
<br /></div>
<div>
Clean mud room, and closet.<br />
<b>- Yeah, this one didn't get done. At all.</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
Other than the emotional roller coaster that has been the government shutdown, this has been a good month. I plan on wrapping up the month on the beach, with a drink in one hand, a book in the other, and one of my forever friends by my side. I also plan on wrapping my arms around Taylor Hanson, and dying a happy woman.<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgl2BlxXfoN51SP8Ab8E-slUgLJ3GjHKTm5UCnu39BrKo7oWzNSANkuw2lKhRiTQMFnj6wZ2o_wKNK9fIEromiZn3YilTrSRko4BlzSwI61XpT8LgwC4oSpHClNgcYBBSMjlmSjFuELjDg/s1600/feb.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1135" data-original-width="750" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgl2BlxXfoN51SP8Ab8E-slUgLJ3GjHKTm5UCnu39BrKo7oWzNSANkuw2lKhRiTQMFnj6wZ2o_wKNK9fIEromiZn3YilTrSRko4BlzSwI61XpT8LgwC4oSpHClNgcYBBSMjlmSjFuELjDg/s320/feb.jpg" width="211" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<div>
<b>February 2019 GOALS:</b></div>
<div>
- Lose 5 pounds.</div>
<div>
- Go to the gym at least 20 times. - this will be cutting it close, as it's a short month, and I'll be out of the country until the 3rd.</div>
<div>
- c25k at least twice a week.</div>
<div>
- drink more water<br />
- meal planning - try to find a method not only for making the meals, but not overbuying at the grocery store.<br />
- make one NEW meal every week.</div>
<div>
- average no less than 10k steps a day.</div>
<div>
- read 2 books.</div>
<div>
- make sure the kitchen sink, kitchen counters, and dining room table are clean, and wiped off every night before going to bed.<br />
- be mindful of negative self talk.</div>
<div>
- Buy fresh flowers, at least once.</div>
</div>
Daiseehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11050906259020782665noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3127215352242152259.post-33685115420648678562019-01-01T16:07:00.001-06:002019-01-01T16:07:48.129-06:00Welcome to a new year: 2019. FIND THE SPARK INSIDE AND LET IT BURN<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibIj-hf93i10IA18gRqtQMY4I3Ey_p9hyphenhyphennY8y5GwUAsnYpoat4oDaKMW0JWqzBQK9MLZ1lv0VUPL-158xPaPAntmfgKEe15ecyeA4Zj_7NjYCbo-AUIWNIp2PX4zQc3NbHVOdJXUKD16c/s1600/superthumb.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="250" data-original-width="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibIj-hf93i10IA18gRqtQMY4I3Ey_p9hyphenhyphennY8y5GwUAsnYpoat4oDaKMW0JWqzBQK9MLZ1lv0VUPL-158xPaPAntmfgKEe15ecyeA4Zj_7NjYCbo-AUIWNIp2PX4zQc3NbHVOdJXUKD16c/s1600/superthumb.jpg" /></a></div>
My life, I'm sure like most other people's ebbs and flows. Year after year goes by, and most of the time we don't bother to take a look at it until it's almost over. I don't remember if I even wrote one of these last year. This was a year of changes. It was the first time in four years that I wasn't bogged down with classes. Aiden's increased independence has given me some of my own back. I dated one man, who I care for deeply, but our circumstances were such that we can't make things fall together right now due to distance and extenuating circumstances. I haven't failed completely as a parent, as an employee, as a daughter or sister. I bought a new car. I made all of my house payments. The year ended on a positive. I am beginning this year 18 pounds lighter than 2018.<br />
<br />
The things I battle the most are my own emotions. So much of that, I know I have no control over. There are only so many things I can do to stifle the demons, and some days I just have to let them come. There are days when I have to lock myself in my room and do absolutely nothing, talk to no one, and just recharge. These days are fewer. The days when I am actually able to talk myself out of that darkness feels so empowering, that the next time I am in that place, I am that much more likely to attempt to overcome it.<br />
<br />
So where does that leave me? Resolutions. But I am going to think of them more as guidelines to try to keep me in the right path this next year.<br />
<br />
2019 GOALS:<br />
<br />
-lose:<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>50 lbs. I am keeping this relatively low, but also not going to short change myself. With the changes I have made recently, I don't think this is too hard of a number to shoot for at less than a pound a week.</li>
<li>negative self-talk</li>
<li>toxic people</li>
<li>excuses</li>
</ul>
<br />
-gain:<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>strength</li>
<li>flexibility</li>
<li>indurance</li>
<li>confidence in myself</li>
</ul>
<div>
- read 24 books, start to finish.</div>
<div>
-continue to make better food choices. (I've been seriously considering giving Keto a try, but I need guidance... anyone around to help me?)</div>
<div>
-laugh, loudly, and so hard that I snort... on a regular basis.</div>
<div>
-remind the people I love how much they mean to me, and regularly.</div>
<div>
-continue to get a handle on my finances and start saving, even if it's small, it's something.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I have decided not to actively date for the next 12 months. If something comes around, great, but I am not going to go out and look for anything.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiAkq0bfKDOk2vRsW4fcQCOq1IXnwhgwkdSghex-w7eFhyAfPpRuVMc_K_D3p8KaML9aH9vb9JEGGGTWyh2uynhtrUCYlBt-pQkbECg5TSueBfY9i0TtVJ4UKHIPv9Hnv2cXviAzgxDvoY/s1600/in+love.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="361" data-original-width="454" height="254" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiAkq0bfKDOk2vRsW4fcQCOq1IXnwhgwkdSghex-w7eFhyAfPpRuVMc_K_D3p8KaML9aH9vb9JEGGGTWyh2uynhtrUCYlBt-pQkbECg5TSueBfY9i0TtVJ4UKHIPv9Hnv2cXviAzgxDvoY/s320/in+love.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
JANUARY 2019 GOALS:</div>
<div>
- Lose 5 pounds.</div>
<div>
- Take body measurements.</div>
<div>
- Go to the gym at least 20 times.</div>
<div>
- c25k at least twice a week.</div>
<div>
- begin strength training - weights, or body resistance 2x a week.</div>
<div>
- average no less than 10k steps a day.</div>
<div>
- read 2 books.</div>
<div>
- get a pedicure before BTTI2019.</div>
<div>
- be mindful of negative self talk.</div>
<div>
- clean mud room, and closet.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
Daiseehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11050906259020782665noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3127215352242152259.post-91203797863063025172018-08-01T21:40:00.000-05:002018-08-01T21:40:43.357-05:00August 2018 Goals<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgiQyTdSaJoTevKYSAZy_x4n17eCgmOQS-s4GkPlRthCj9KXFrBP4gXbUwTtkgxzXlpZhmvQn3yWFunO4Jq4qOUuU0trEypJMR0B4EtdRbgwveJ4S4Q1Mr7KGX-8vjKTurSoxqpuJ4jTyI/s1600/CDC99D85-5B87-4993-A715-276CEEC7AA33.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="878" data-original-width="750" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgiQyTdSaJoTevKYSAZy_x4n17eCgmOQS-s4GkPlRthCj9KXFrBP4gXbUwTtkgxzXlpZhmvQn3yWFunO4Jq4qOUuU0trEypJMR0B4EtdRbgwveJ4S4Q1Mr7KGX-8vjKTurSoxqpuJ4jTyI/s320/CDC99D85-5B87-4993-A715-276CEEC7AA33.jpeg" width="273" /></a></div>
<br />
<h2>
August 2018 Goals</h2>
<b>- </b><span style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SFUIText"; font-size: 17pt;">go to the gym 10 times</span><br />
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".SFUIText"; font-size: 17pt;">- 10k steps 5+ days a week</span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".SFUIText"; font-size: 17pt;">- lose 5 lbs</span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".SFUIText"; font-size: 17pt;">- strength training 2x week</span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".SFUIText"; font-size: 17pt;">- only eat out once a week</span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".SFUIText"; font-size: 17pt;">-cook 1 new thing a week</span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".SFUIText"; font-size: 17pt;">- start cleaning out the guest bedroom</span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".SFUIText"; font-size: 17pt;">- sell remainder of storage unit</span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".SFUIText"; font-size: 17pt;">-work on organizing (personal and professional)</span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".SFUIText"; font-size: 17pt;">- read one book, start to finish</span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".SFUIText"; font-size: 17pt;">- find one new album to fall in love with</span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".SFUIText"; font-size: 17pt;">- schedule dentist/doctors appointment</span></div>
<br />
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".SFUIText"; font-size: 17pt;">- get a budget pinned down</span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".SFUIText"; font-size: 17pt;">- dance more, laugh more, worry less</span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".SFUIText"; font-size: 17pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".SFUIText"; font-size: 17pt;"><b><i>“Accept what people have to offer. Drink their milkshakes. Take their love.”</i></b></span></div>
Daiseehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11050906259020782665noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3127215352242152259.post-61994501960740642922018-05-01T17:58:00.002-05:002018-05-01T17:58:33.358-05:00Goals: May 2018<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAq7DTxEpD4ajth2kfP3nc_G9vt83eZCHkZlNxpL67MrL3h23BFjK0rMUFb26GimezPaXVw2AC3P2ib8s6_5cUzDeH3mHeftJzLoyQbIZu9_ITJtj5kF26nbZqNLb5-M4jfmxmY_o35wo/s1600/large.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="474" data-original-width="500" height="303" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAq7DTxEpD4ajth2kfP3nc_G9vt83eZCHkZlNxpL67MrL3h23BFjK0rMUFb26GimezPaXVw2AC3P2ib8s6_5cUzDeH3mHeftJzLoyQbIZu9_ITJtj5kF26nbZqNLb5-M4jfmxmY_o35wo/s320/large.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<b>Goals: May 2018</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
I haven't written a goal post in years. I haven't written in here in close to a year. That needs to change.<br />
<br />
I have eight months until Jamaica. I have two months until Florida. I need to start worrying about myself and not everyone else. I need to find a center for my energy, and a purpose for myself. So, here we go.<br />
<br />
- lose 5 pounds. Just a little over a pound a week. I have been stagnant since Thanksgiving. This needs to change.<br />
<br />
- go to the gym 10 times. I think I can do more than this, but aiming low this go around.<br />
<br />
- read at least one book from start to finish.<br />
<br />
- blog at least once a week, even if it's short, even if it's what I had to eat for dinner. Reclaim the ability to talk about the things that matter to me, even if no one else reads it.<br />
<br />
- before the end of month, start c25k. I've had such great success with it in the past, and I want to do it again.<br />
<br />
- eat out no more than once a week.<br />
<br />
- cook one new thing every week. (suggestions welcome!)<br />
<br />
- sing, loudly and uninhibited.<br />
<br />
- clean out the fridge.<br />
<br />
- practice paying attention to negative self-talk. Knock that shit off.<br />
<br />
<br />
I have so much to be proud of. I have accomplished so much in the last year, and now that my concentration is not centered around just getting through the day, I find myself slipping. I want to do better. I can do better. Any and all support is welcome. Meal planning, encouragement, telling me to get off my ass and just do it. Please.Sadiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05008445285533556196noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3127215352242152259.post-35748227560196092702017-06-25T22:00:00.000-05:002017-06-25T22:00:09.657-05:00From the perfect start to the finish line<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEik1WpD0hn4fj7BhcJRRaqiMtFfKV4bQL1ART8RTf3Hr5LyewA7aoYUB_szUbM5s3gOhXvirx4sY441znElQOJsgRIPZJTov-UwdkzdFhvQMZEBcLI6XlzZx-iuc3IgsUNLKQ8VacOjx0k/s1600/never.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="362" data-original-width="500" height="231" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEik1WpD0hn4fj7BhcJRRaqiMtFfKV4bQL1ART8RTf3Hr5LyewA7aoYUB_szUbM5s3gOhXvirx4sY441znElQOJsgRIPZJTov-UwdkzdFhvQMZEBcLI6XlzZx-iuc3IgsUNLKQ8VacOjx0k/s320/never.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
I just turned in my two papers for my two classes that end tonight at midnight. I have one class left. One class until I can call myself a college graduate. I will have my Bachelor of Science degree. I will finally have finished SOMETHING.<br />
<br />
Though this happiness and excitement has been tarnished by a falling out with a good friend. Someone I have known and cared about for 18 years. He was my rock, my shelter, and my best friend. I am heartbroken and trying to make the best of it.<br />
<br />
So here I am, trying to count my lucky stars because I am sososo close to being done with school. I graduated 16 years ago this last May. It's about damn time.Daiseehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11050906259020782665noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3127215352242152259.post-42709566846176976882017-01-21T19:14:00.001-06:002017-01-21T19:14:38.620-06:00it's always darkest before the dawn...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I am so thankful. Beyond thankful. I am thankful to have lived in this country, under its leadership over the last eight years. I am thankful a man who I fully backed was elected President of the United States of America, not once, but twice. </div>
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I am thankful that my son, as of 2010, was able to have healthcare coverage that I paid for, as he no longer fell into the category of pre-existing condition. I am thankful that when I lost my job, and I lost my health benefits, that in 2014, I finally had a way to get myself coverage. </div>
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Very few things suck in this world more than a $250 yeast infection. Yeah. $250. One office visit. </div>
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I am thankful that I have a family who aligns with me politically so that I don't have to dread holidays, or events. I am thankful that no one in my family would ever disown me even if we had those differences.</div>
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I am thankful that in 2013 I was able to go back to school. I was able to qualify for Pell Grants, and financial aid, and I found what I was really meant to do in this life of mine.</div>
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I am thankful that in 2015, I not only was able to hold and love my niece for the first time, but I was able to find a career. Employment doing what I love with amazing men and women who are working toward a common goal of helping other people. I am so thankful that I was born to be a helper. </div>
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I am thankful that this coming year I am going to be able to take another step forward with my little family, and buy a house. Not just buy, but build, with our own hands. I am thankful we will be able to help others, too, in their pursuit to build and own a home. </div>
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I am also terrified. In the last eight years, so much progress has been made. I do not live under the delusion that Obama was the Messiah. I mean... wait. Okay yes I do.This man brought the first president of African-American descent into the WHITE House. And after eight years, he still didn't take away your guns, he didn't enact Sharia law, he didn't force women to get abortions, and he didn't unplug the machines of the terminally ill. </div>
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What he did, was gave us hope. More than anything that's what we needed, to be able to hope that this could, that this WOULD be better. And it has been. Nothing is ever perfect and everything changes. But me and my loved ones are still side by side, healthy, happy, able to get by.</div>
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I am afraid that tomorrow I will wake up and the first strike against me is that I'm a woman. Second strike, a democrat woman. Third, single mother. Fourth, pro choice. But what it really comes down to, is what is between my legs, right? Gotta grab me by the pussy and show me how things really are and what men really get to control in this great nation of ours. </div>
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My mother and I made mid morning plans to go to lunch together for a sort of mother/daughter day. We sat down, ordered, and I mentioned to her that I wished we had gone to the Women's march in Lincoln. She said she wished we had, too. We decided to get our food to go, and went on a two hour road trip, making it to Lincoln right around the time the march was starting. We quickly realized that it was a lot bigger than we had anticipated it being. We ended up in a crowd of several thousand women, and men, and children, and every color and creed and back ground. </div>
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People had signs, supporting those things they found the most precious in their lives. My favorite was a sign that said REVOLUTIONS are for PUSSIES! the EVOL was reversed and written in red. There were the "I support Planned Parenthood" signs. We chanted, my favorite of which was "Show me what democracy looks like.... THIS IS WHAT DEMOCRACY LOOKS LIKE!" </div>
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We shut down a street. We did it with great love, and zero violence. We were inclusive, and supportive, and surrounded.</div>
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At these events, I am able to truly find myself, and this is where I am home.</div>
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Daiseehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11050906259020782665noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3127215352242152259.post-987669153144601202017-01-01T21:27:00.000-06:002017-01-01T21:27:12.276-06:00New Year - plans for the new me 2017<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Over the last four years, I have managed to pick my life back up, dust it off, and find a very happy-ish place in the universe. I have changed jobs twice after getting a new one in January 2013, and where I ended up is where I am planning to remain for a long time. I have gone back to, and am nearly done with school, and even though it feels so far away, and so much in front of me to still do before I am done, I am SO CLOSE.<br />
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In the last four years, I have also managed to lose a little bit of myself that I was very proud of, and that was the active and healthy life I had been leading prior to my world falling apart.<br />
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So, here we go, back to making goals and lists, back to taking it one step at a time.<br />
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<b>Goals - 2017</b><br />
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<b><u>Read</u></b> - 2 books a month. Even if they're for school, even if they are YA and brainless. <br />
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<u><b>Write</b></u> - of course this blog, but I would also like to get in the habit of writing prose again. I have so many stories to tell.<br />
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<b><u>Exercise</u></b> - Three times a week at the gym, minimum, unless I'm being active outside. I am NOT too fat to go to the gym, and I need to stop telling myself this. Ideally, I would like to do an hour of cardio three times a week, and two days of lifting. I just want to set my goal as something I can grown on.<br />
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<u><b>Eat better</b></u> - Stay away from soda, cook more meals at home, pay more attention to what I am putting into my body and in what proportions. I know what I need to do, I just need to do it.<br />
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<b><u>Lose weight</u></b> - I am setting the bar low, 50 pounds. This is a little under a pound a week, allows for weeks where I totally screw up and feel sorry for myself. This is achievable, and in the healthy way.<br />
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<b><u>Graduate College</u></b> - I'm putting this here, because I'm scared that at the last minute, I am going to give up and walk away like I seem to do everything else. I have two more classes. TWO. I need to do this.<br />
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<b><u>Buy a home</u></b> - being approved to do my sweat equity hours in order for approval for a Habitat for Humanity house is one of the biggest things to ever happen to me. The hope is that by this time next year, Aiden and I will be in our new house, having completed 400 hours toward it, and it will be mine.<br />
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<u style="font-weight: bold;">Become more active in local political activities</u> - I am going to be so busy this year that I will barely be able to see straight, but I do want to become more active in the things that matter to me.<br />
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<u style="font-weight: bold;">Continue and grow the breastfeeding support group</u> - the best thing I have done over the last year, by far, is starting a local breastfeeding support group. It doesn't earn me any money, it takes a big chunk of my time both online and off, but it has been something that motivates me to keep going. I would like to see that grow.<br />
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These are the big ones. Tomorrow, I will try to get January's goals typed up. I would like each month to be more specified on what exactly I would like to accomplish, and how I'm working toward these larger goals, with some smaller self improvement things thrown in as well.<br />
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Wishing everyone a beautiful and peaceful New Year!<br />
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xoxo<br />
-Sadie<br />
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<br />Daiseehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11050906259020782665noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3127215352242152259.post-54383405413110403732016-09-03T21:56:00.000-05:002016-09-03T21:56:01.806-05:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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He claims to be a sociopath, like it's some sort of badge of honor. He's not. What he is is a narcissist. I fall into the trap nearly every time. I will think things are fine, that he's gone, and then BAM, I will fall right into the hole again. I should learn not to bite the bait that is set out for me. I've done this before, I've been here before, and not only with him.</div>
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So tonight he stumbles across my twitter posts about him that I made almost 6 months ago during my Facebook sabbatical. Tweets that helped me work through the demons in my head. Posts that never mentioned him by name, or tagged him. He knew they were about him, how could he not? He did those hurtful things. Tonight I am the bitch, the thick-skulled pain in the ass, the libtard. Because calling me names is the only thing he can think to do to build himself back up. </div>
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Then he threatened to ruin my life if I ever did it again. I pointed out that... HELLO... someone had already done that, and it was my uncle. He was more than welcome to try, but that I have very few skeletons in my closets, and those that are there don't matter anymore. I told him that slashing two of my tires would really suck, since I only have one donut. He didn't think that was funny.</div>
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I am just exhausted. I don't want to do this anymore. I can only block him so many places under so many different names.</div>
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This has completely wrecked me. He has completely wrecked me. I am over it, really I am. I am over him, I would never in a million years want him back. What I am not over is the pain, the feeling of not being worthy, of doing something wrong, of being the one at fault. These are not uncommon emotions for individuals who have been cheated on. I have to keep reminding myself that him cheating doesn't say anything about what I am lacking, but rather what he is lacking. </div>
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I meet someone, and I hold back, I can't let myself go. I can't let myself want to. I do not want to go through this again. All of that wasted time. Being alone and occasionally lonely is ten million times better than ever having to feel this way again.</div>
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<br />Daiseehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11050906259020782665noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3127215352242152259.post-10368825723122459892016-06-09T18:00:00.003-05:002017-06-25T22:01:26.186-05:00And I don't need the fallout of all the past that's in between us<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I feel like I have been writing this entry for ages, for months, for years. I'm not sure if I started writing it in my before, or my after. I never wrote an entry here while we were together. I was sure that once I put it into writing for public consumption that it would make it less real, that it would make him leave, just like all of the others before him. Well, I didn't write about him, and he still left. The hardest thing about it, though, is knowing that I should have been the one to leave, and I should have done it months before it actually happened.<br />
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But I loved him, and because of that I once again overlooked the things I tell my friends to NEVER overlook. I let things slide that the real me would never let slide. I was silent when I should have been screaming. Looking back on that and I get so angry with myself. I knew it would happen, and I could have been in control, but instead I chose to sit back and do nothing, to continue to ignore what I knew, and to be a doormat.<br />
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It was two weeks shy of a year together. It was ten days before Christmas. It could NOT have come at a worse time. Christmas day was okay, it was Christmas Eve that tore me up inside. I spent a good portion of it crying into my pillow in my sister's old bedroom while Aiden and I were at my parent's house for Christmas Eve and Christmas day. The original plan was for him, Aiden, and I to have a Christmas on our own. My first one ever without my parents.<br />
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I am not going to spell out all of the ways I was wronged. I am not going to tell all of his dirty little secrets, or share all of his lies.<br />
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I am pretty much over it, to the extent that someone is able to be over someone. Time does heal the wounds, but it doesn't let me forget them. At this point I don't even know to what extent I was lied to, and that is what made moving on the hardest. People grieve differently, that's what a class I took two years ago taught me. I know that I heal best when I have all of the answers, when no questions are left, and I am no longer without a period at the end of the sentence. <br />
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There are two things I value more in this world than anything else; The first is loyalty, the second is honesty. If you are these two things, we will get along well. Something I have told Aiden on numerous occasions is that I cannot stand liars. If I am asking you a question, chances are, I already know the answer. The truth I don't mind, even if it hurts, it's the lie that hurts so much more. Why do more people not understand this?<br />
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I know that right now I am not an entirely whole person, but I am working on it. I am trying every single day to get out of bed, to make myself back into the me I was before. Not the me I was after, because the two do not even resemble each other.<br />
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I have cut so much out of my life in the last couple of years, that cutting someone I cared that deeply for out of my life drilled a hole into me that I don't know if it will ever be completely healed over. I don't know that I am capable of letting myself go like that again. I don't know that I will ever trust anyone again.<br />
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I know I've said that before, and I know I say that after every heartbreaking attempt, but right now I<br />
just feel a coldness within me.<br />
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<i><b>"And I'm not holding on, and all your lies weren't enough to keep me here..."</b></i>Daiseehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11050906259020782665noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3127215352242152259.post-40394469942596573062014-10-05T14:23:00.001-05:002014-10-05T14:23:23.834-05:00Swimming<p dir="ltr">I am no longer a first time swimming parent. We are seasoned pros at this. Old hat for us. Remembering to bring a lawn chair, rule #1. #winning</p>
Sadiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05008445285533556196noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3127215352242152259.post-20404181408504258952014-10-05T01:26:00.001-05:002014-10-05T01:26:30.420-05:00<p dir="ltr">Sometimes you make choices in life and sometimes choices make you.</p>
Sadiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05008445285533556196noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3127215352242152259.post-40490848358864491332014-10-04T01:00:00.001-05:002014-10-04T01:03:55.910-05:00We are all going to be OK<p dir="ltr">The best of friends are the ones who show up at 8pm when you lock your keys in your car.  Who offer you their beer and cigarettes and a nice warm blanket just so you can sit on their lazy boy chair in silence watching old episodes of the walking dead. <br>
And sometimes,  that is all you really need. </p>
Sadiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05008445285533556196noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3127215352242152259.post-89527177057729659682014-10-02T23:45:00.001-05:002014-10-03T00:33:07.024-05:00You never seem to run out of things to say<p dir="ltr">There are angels all around us. Real life,  tangible angels. You don't know who they are until they text you randomly in the afternoon,  show up late with a bottle of wine,  and leave $40 on your counter even when you protest. They are the ones you never see coming,  never would have expected to be someone to help fix you,  even if just a little bit. People need people.</p>
<p dir="ltr">And all I can say is thank you. For the wine,  for the conversation, for the money that is graciously accepted,  yet completely unnecessary. </p>
<p dir="ltr">It is amazing the things you can have in common with someone you never really gave a thought of other than in passing. Knowing and being told that what you have to say, matters. Even if to no one else, to them. </p>
Sadiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05008445285533556196noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3127215352242152259.post-80468291133713851782014-10-02T00:27:00.001-05:002014-10-02T23:38:31.538-05:00Cause I know that you feel me somehow <p dir="ltr">Battered women have the makings of a battered woman.  Visible,  touchable. Even if they hide in places under shorts and pants. On rib cages and arms. On legs,  backs,  and when they are visible. Hand marks around the neck,  stitches on an eyebrow.  A black eye.  A broken nose. A broken spirit. <br>
Even a woman who is being abused emotionally,  the depth of their eyes are empty. Dead. Trying to feel nothing because they are made to feel like they are nothing. <br>
I have no visible unintentional markings. My nose isn't broken. My limbs are all intact. <br>
I don't even know if my eyes are dead,  or if I am just that good at pretending, ignoring, forgetting for a moment more that this terrible thing has happened. That this terrible thing happened to ME. <br>
And I find it had to concentrate,  try desperately to bury myself in anything but this emptiness inside of me. This loneliness.  This isolation. <br>
I am a battered women and there no visible marks to prove that this terrible thing happened. To me. </p>
<p dir="ltr">So many terrible, awful things happen on this planet. I am warm,  and fed, and for the most part loved. </p>
<p dir="ltr">But this is still my burden. My pain. My brokenness that will never seem to heal fully. When do I get the chance to confront my abuser? When can I hold up this empty hole and say "Here, this is yours. You did this."? </p>
Sadiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05008445285533556196noreply@blogger.com0