Old Prose : my arms are like springs!

I've been going through some old stuff on my computer in the last couple of days, and I decided that I wanted to share some of it here. Granted, I'll never share all of it, as admittedly, some of it is really, REALLY bad. That being said, this one goes with today's theme, which I will post later tonight.

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they were two girls, doing nothing but wandering aimlessly up and down the aisles at walmart. not looking for anything in particular, just looking, just spending time together.

they used to run down to each other’s houses in the summer with their bare feet hitting on the pavement. scraped knees were the worst things that could ever happen, and they slept in the same bed all weekend long.

she was a sun kissed child of the 80s and i was her best friend. nothing could come between us. we laughed at things that weren’t funny, and back then we would wave at the cops that drove by instead of hiding our cigarettes carefully under the seat while we got pulled over so as not to get in trouble.

the first time the sweetness of alcohol touched my lips she and i sat cross-legged in her brother’s pick-up truck. we both had shorts and tank tops on, and we passed it back and forth between us like it was some secret that was too private to talk about. we were lanky fourteen year olds then. time changes everything, heals all wounds, rips them back open. we never grew apart.

we lived together for a summer, staying out until five in the morning, and parking in the backyard so my parents wouldn’t see the headlights of her car when we got home. we would take naps at five in the afternoon and we went boy hunting every night.

she was with me when i met him. i wouldn’t have met him if she hadn’t seen two of our other friends that he was with. she nodded slightly as we drove around in the car as i staked my claim on him, who would know that he would cause 6 months of happiness and 8 months of pain. she was the person i called crying so hard that i couldn’t breathe the day he broke my heart. she was the one who kissed my scars and made me feel better.

she and i drove around last summer and barked at people out car windows and flirted with men twice our age. she made fun of me when i pressed the print button on the machine at walmart and ended up printing 80 pages of a wedding gift registry. we hung the papers from the basement door as if they were a curtain. we laughed for days about it.

she was the one who told me i breathe too loud. and she’s the one that talks in her sleep.

it’s hard to be around her now sometimes. she’s found someone to love. someone other than me, and sometimes i miss her more than anything. but most times i know she’ll be there if i ever need her, and i know she knows i love her.

but i still remember her as the skinny brunette hanging from the swing set. the one i cut holes into bushes with for forts. the one who has and will always be my best friend.

Set Fire to the Rain : Day Six

Day 06 – Your day

I woke up half an hour earlier than usual today, and attempted to do Jillian Michael's 30 day shred. I learned that I'm nowhere near coordinated enough to attempt compound movements before I've had my morning coffee. It was a struggle to make it though, but I did.

I woke Aiden up around 6:20, and even though the last medicine I had given him was at 7 pm the night before, he wasn't running a fever.

I showered, we both got dressed, I packed my lunch and we were out the door. I dropped Aiden off at his before school program right at 7 when their doors opened, and I headed to work. I clocked in at 7:05 (it was COLD out this morning!)

I changed into the hospital green scrubs, and went to work breaking down the skids. All of our supplies are shipped in daily on pallets, or skids, each in a labeled tote or box to whichever designated floor or unit it was ordered for.

I made my nice and neat stacks, apologized to coworkers for missing yesterday and the miscommunication that went along with it. After I was done unloading pallets, I stacked the wooden skids on top of each other, and I loaded up my first trip to my floors, which was and usually is ICU. I didn't have much that was ordered, but I ran my reports and pulled several things from our stat room that also needed to go upstairs.

I issued these things out on the computer, and I waited for Tancy to come in. She and I usually take breakfast between 8:30 and 9, but today I was set to have an interview in my department for a Coordinator position.

Unfortunately at around 8:20 I got a phone call from the school nurse at Aiden's school. She told me that because he had been diagnosed with the flu, he HAD to be out of school until he had been fever free for AT LEAST 24 hours. She asked me to please pick him up. So I left work, and picked Aiden up from school. We made a trip to wal-mart to get various supplies, and to check out a couple of movies from the Red Box.

We came home, and have pretty much been sitting on the couch the rest of the day. We both took a nap around noon, watched some television, read a couple of books. We ate left-over pizza for dinner, and now he's watching television while I type this up. When I'm finished, he'll be on his way to bed.

Luckily he doesn't have school tomorrow or friday, but he does have the after school program, which runs all day long. He's been feeling fine all day, and even his cough has dissipated. I understand them not wanting him to be at school, but at the same time, he's better. Not that I'm going to complain about an extra day off work, but I can't really afford it, either.

Here's to a full day tomorrow!

I simmer and burn for someone, the wrong one : Day Five

Day 05 – Your definition of love

I fell in love for the first time in seven years this fall. I fell hard and fast and deep. The breakup is still new and fresh to me, and I'm giving myself time to heal from it, however there are some things about this that are new to me. I'm not sure if it comes from maturity, or the fact that I have now loved for the first time as an adult, rather than as a child.

I have no desire to bad mouth him. I think he is a terrific person, loving father, and that he's just going through a rough patch. I want him to be happy, even if that means being without me. I have no desire to call him names, belittle his short comings, or make him feel bad about his decision to break things off. I still love him.

Love is sacrificing of yourself for someone else's happiness. A lot of the time, your happiness and theirs goes hand in hand, but true love is going through the bad times.

My son is currently sitting in the living room, covered in blankets, running a 100.8 degree temperature. He spent the majority of last night coughing until he vomited. I cleaned it up. I love my son, even when I don't really like him. Even when he says mean things just to hurt my feelings, and even when he's a gross boy who likes to wipe his boogers on the furniture. I love him when he wakes me up in the middle of the night from the best dream I've ever had, because he had a nightmare.

I don't always love the things he does or the way he acts, but I will ALWAYS love HIM.

Loving someone is about wanting to shield them from all of the bad and scary things in the world. It's knowing that you can't save or protect them from everything, but wanting to do it anyway.

Love is forever.

Will you, wont you, be the one I'll always know : Day Four

Day 04 – What you ate today

upon waking:
2 cups black coffee
1 fiber one 90 calorie bar

breakfast:
33oz cold water
1 bagel thin with low-fat cream cheese and 1 oz strawberry jelly
medium orange

lunch:
33 oz cold water
red apple
3 oz baby carrots
1.5 cup low-fat chicken and black bean soup
1 slice skinny corn bread

snack:
8 oz chocolate silk soy milk

dinner:
2 cups homemade macaroni and cheese
1 cup broccoli florets
1 can coke zero

snack:
reese's peanut butter cup :)

I may have a glass of wine later tonight, as I'm not working tomorrow. Aiden has the flu (influenza-b) and I think I'm going to stay up late and watch movies. Might add some popcorn as well!

Life is What Happens to You : Day Three

I want to apologize for not writing anything yesterday. Due to my recent breakup, and the desire of my friends that I not drink alone (which is a very good idea), we had a movie night. The theme was "animals who kill people", and it was a perfect B-rated movie night. We picked two of the worst movies ever made, and sat through both of them. Laughing and eating all of the delicious food everyone brought. Life is so much more worth it when you have such wonderful people in your corner.

Day 03 – Your parents

My mother is Jan, my father is David (NOT Dave.) They have been married for over thirty years, and are each other's best friend.

My mother works for an agency for the state, my father works for the local university. Both of them work with and for people with disabilities.

They are my ultimate strength. They are also two of my best friends.

They both enjoy drinking beer and laughing. The Friday night and Sunday afternoon ritual usually involves some sort of micro brewery.

My mother and I butt heads a lot. Most of this I attribute to us being so much alike. We are both extremely strong women who have trouble apologizing or taking blame for things we don't feel to be our fault. We both have addictive personalities, though hers tends to be more wide ranged than mine.

My father is one of the most gentle men I have ever known. I find this an extremely attractive trait in men, and I love that my dad has been able to pass this on to my son. Dad and Aiden are the best of friends. My father (having had two daughters, and never a son) has really been able to shine though being the grandpa of a little boy. They can do boy things together like go fishing, camping, and play in the mud. My father is the one person who is able to channel a lot of Aiden's energy into constructive means; scooping the snow, drilling screws into a piece of wood, hammering nails.

One of my favorite memories of my mother is as my labor coach when I had Aiden. She was there every step of the way, putting up with my terrible mood swings, delirium, and pregnancy gas. I spend two hours pushing, and she almost passed out a couple of times because she had been pushing too. She also stuck her head between my legs to announce "I see his hair!" How many people can say their mother has done THAT?

My favorite memory of my father was him taking me shopping for a dress for a wedding. I was in 4th grade and had just started getting little boob bumps. I was more embarrassed than anything to be clothing shopping with my father. He picked out this dress, and had me try it on. It was tea length, black with white polka dots and a red ribbon. It was perfect. He was so proud to have been able to take his little girl dress shopping and actually come home with the perfect outfit. We also picked out a little hat to go with it, and pinned a red flower to the brim. This was the man who attempted to put my hair into a ponytail once, and never again, because he couldn't do it. He brought up the dress story to me only a few months ago, and his face still glowed when he talked about it.

My mother graduated from college just a few years ago, having spent the years taking a class or two at night during each semester, working full time, and raising a household. She is my hero.

My parents met in high school, married young, and have managed to beat most of the odds their entire life. I can only hope that when I meet the man I'm meant to spend my life with, that I'll be able to have the love the two of them still do, after thirty years.

I'd best tidy up my head; Day Two

Day 02 – Your first love

I have had some very intense relationships in my life. I have an addictive personality, and I tend to fall in love with certain things that I know in my right mind I can never have. I once wrote a letter to Michael Jackson, professing my love to him and asking him if I could have an autographed photo, because that would somehow show that he loved me too.

I fell in love with Taylor Hanson at the ripe age of 14. When you decorate your bedroom walls (and ceilings and doors and blinds) with someone's face, that is obviously true love.

I loved a few boys through high school. Most of these, looking back, were more out of my desire to have attention from men than actually being in love. One was my best friend, and I mistook that for something else. One only wanted my attention when he didn't get attention from anyone else.

It wasn't until my senior year of high school that I finally was able to say that I had not only fallen in love, but it was reciprocated.

BJ and I met through mutual friends, and I was the one who kissed him first.

He was beautiful, and personable. My family and my friends liked him. He was loud in a way I wasn't, good at working with his hands in a way I'm not, and more than anything else he made me feel alive.

I was a different person back then, and I was more concerned with what he wanted me to be than what I wanted for myself. I chose to stay in town for college, for him. Our relationship went south shortly after graduation. We were both extremely jealous people, and we would pick at old scars until the wound was gaping open waiting for salt to be thrown in. I would hang out with other boys that he didn't trust. He wouldn't answer his phone when he was supposed to be available.

The last couple of weeks of our relationship, and all we did was fight.

He ended it, a week after his birthday, summer of 2001. I was devastated.

I smashed all of the blue bottles he had given me, held his class ring hostage, would call him at random hours crying hysterically. The night of our breakup and he slept with one of my good friends. Things were never the same after that.

Over the last ten years, BJ (who goes by Brandon now) and I have managed to rebuild our friendship from the ground up. He was there for me through my entire pregnancy, and was actually the first person other than my family to meet Aiden. He sat in the delivery room with me after I had given birth and watched me eat my french toast while the epidural wore off.

He's married with two little girls who are the spitting image of him. To this day, he is still one of the people who knows me the best.

Through him I have discovered that sometimes, the person we wanted them to be, they already are. We just have to let them go, and let them shine alone for that person to come true.

Day One

I have decided to take this blog in a new direction. I left up my first two posts, because they seemed to be more of what I was hoping this place would be. A place for me to talk, without shame of having others read it. So, I'm starting over.

I am not an author, but I have been told that I am able to paint a very nice picture with the things I have to say. There is no better way to get better at writing, than practice.

I started the 30-day challenge back at my private journal, and only made it up to about day 15. I am going to try it again, writing about different experiences along the way.

Day 01 - Introduce yourself

Hi. My name is Sadie. I'm currently 27 years old, and I live in a small town in the middle of Nebraska. I am a Supply Chain Tech at the hospital, which basically means I order, and put away, and maintain inventories on my specified floors. There are a lot of other aspects to my job, but that is the most basic of explanations.

I am a single mother to a very energetic little 7 year old boy. His name is Aiden, and I will speak of him often, sometimes fondly, sometimes I'm sure not quite so much. Aiden was born with bilateral clubfoot, which basically means that his achilles tendon was too short and not attached to his bones properly causing his foot to be malformed. He went through serial casting until the age of 1, has had three surgeries with another possible one sometime next winter, and it has NEVER slowed him down. A lot of this has been attributed to me not letting it slow him down. He was army crawling before most kids were regular crawling. He also has incredible upper body strength and control. He is truly the light of my life.

I am the oldest in a family of two girls. My sister is 24 and has accomplished more in her life than I could ever hope of doing. I am so proud of her I could burst. She is my best friend. My immediate family and I are very close. Both of my parents alive and happily married. They are each other's best friends, which is how it should be. They are my solid rocks, and my shoulders. I love them. I only hope that I am able to pass this love of family onto my son, though I think I already have.

I love to read, and to write. I am a movie and television addict, and there are not enough hours in my day to fill with the lives of other people. I have started cooking recently, as well. I have found my love for cooking soups and basic comfort food dishes. Also, not to brag, but I'm pretty good with desserts, too. My favorite color is blue, cobalt preferably.

I have an extended family of my friends, who are the most devoted and supportive people I have ever had the honor of meeting. I have been told that I am a fierce friend, and in expecting nothing but that, I have managed to surround myself with these fabulous people who only add life and color to my world. I don't know what I would do without any of them.

I have taken classes at the university here in town, but never graduated. There are so many things that I would like to do, that I've never been able to narrow it down. College is expensive.

I am trying to better myself through my overall health, and also my mental stability. I am trying to take time for myself, making time for my son, and not accepting anything to be mediocre. I don't need a fairy tale, but I do deserve better than a frog prince.

I like Bud Light, Coke Zero, and Cinnamon Schnapps (not together.) I also love steak with baked potatoes, and good soup. I cry at movies and television easily. I have a tough skin, but a soft heart. I am extremely liberal.

I still talk to friends online that I met back in 1997 when I first got the internet. Some I have met in person, some I have not. Some I talk to on the phone, some of them I'm not even sure what they look like.

So, I would love it if you were able to join me in my journey of betterment through words. Stick around, and I might surprise you.

<3