Thursday, May 5, 2011

it's amazing, how you make your face just like a wall...

The above photo was taken of my friend Maryann, and I in early June of 2000.  A mere 15 months before September 11th, 2001.  I was a freshman in college attending the University of Nebraska at Kearney.  I had an 8 a.m. class that day, afterwards I walked to my car, and that was about the time the second tower was hit.  I remember thinking, "This radio station has no sense of humor!  This isn't funny at all!"  and then it dawned on me that this was actually happening, it wasn't a spoof.

I worked that day, at the Cabela's call center, and for the first time, the phones were SILENT.  I was sent home an hour into my shift.  I went to my friend Josh's house, and sat with him and his friends and watched the television.  All of us silently crying.  None of us able to look away.

I do not mourn the death of Osama bin Laden.  I am also not going to celebrate it, though I understand that there are those who do.

One of the interesting things about blogging for over 13 years is that I can look back at times in my life, and remember what it was to feel those things all over again.  I leave you with my entry from that day.

2001-09-11 @ 15:08
less than 8 hours ago is when it happened. i was sitting in my math class trying desperately not to fall asleep. i didn't know about it until after i had walked the block and a half to my car and turned on the radio.

it's amazing how less than 8 hours can pull people together. it's amazing experiencing the same exact thing as billions of people spread across this entire world.

i can't put a finger on what it is i'm feeling. although i don't think scared is one of the emotions. i feel disappointed in mankind right now. i can't believe someone would have the stomach to do this. to ruin innocent lives. i'm afraid to turn on the tv for fear that i'll have to see people die.

maryann and i had a picture taken in front of the twin towers a little over a year ago. if i can find it, maybe i'll scan it. gabrielle has a copy of it in her dorm room. funny thing is, she just mentioned it last night.

this is all so unreal.

this whole thing is so sad. this entire day has been sad. i don't think it's clicked yet. how big the events of today are. it hasn't hit me. it feels like i'm watching some movie. unreal as hell. the only way i know it actually exists, is because it's all anyone can talk about.

and there's this burning like there's always been
i've never been so alone
and i've never been so alive.

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