Thursday, April 19, 2012

29 minus 7

I was not popular in high school.

I also want to say that I wasn't UN-popular either.  I had a lot of friends, they were just the rough outcasts like myself.  I was in band.  I loved being in band.  I was made fun of for being in band.  I loved Hanson.  I was made fun of for liking Hanson.  I drove a silver Dodge Aries.  I was made fun of for driving a silver Dodge Aries.

My friends were divided into band friends, and non-band friends.  I had acquaintances who I had random classes with, who I got along with, but who I would never dream of hanging out with on a Saturday night.  I tried melding my band and non-band worlds and it never worked out too well.  There was resentment and hurt feelings.  I felt like the third wheel a lot.

I had two boyfriends in high school.  One was the beginning of my freshman year, the other was the end of my senior year.  I'm not sure what happened in the other years, but I do know there was a lot of kissing going on, but nothing official in the ways of a relationship.  Most of the time I just wanted to hang out with my friends, cruise main, eat at perkins, smoke cigarettes, drink beer or vodka.

Nichole and I would sleep out on her trampoline, her mom making us cinnamon rolls in the morning.  Steph and I would sneak out of my house late at night and not come home until the sun was coming up.  Sarah and I would meet boys at school playgrounds.  Maryann and I would drive out of town to meet up with boys we met the previous weekend.

My hair was burgundy, I was probably a good 10 or 15 lbs underweight but still saw myself as a cow.  I was desperately unhappy and I knew very little even though I thought I knew it all.

It's hard for me, as one of the out crowd, to socialize with some of the people who I always thought they thought they were better than me in high school.  The cheerleaders, the jocks.  All of the people whose parents could buy them the most expensive clothes and shoes, who bought them nice cars and who didn't have to spend their afternoons and evenings waiting tables in order to buy gas for their cars.

I realize now that all of that was an illusion.  Popularity in high school doesn't mean jack in the real world.

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