Welcome to a new year: 2019. FIND THE SPARK INSIDE AND LET IT BURN

My life, I'm sure like most other people's ebbs and flows.  Year after year goes by, and most of the time we don't bother to take a look at it until it's almost over.  I don't remember if I even wrote one of these last year.  This was a year of changes.  It was the first time in four years that I wasn't bogged down with classes.  Aiden's increased independence has given me some of my own back.  I dated one man, who I care for deeply, but our circumstances were such that we can't make things fall together right now due to distance and extenuating circumstances.  I haven't failed completely as a parent, as an employee, as a daughter or sister.  I bought a new car.  I made all of my house payments.  The year ended on a positive.  I am beginning this year 18 pounds lighter than 2018.

The things I battle the most are my own emotions.  So much of that, I know I have no control over.  There are only so many things I can do to stifle the demons, and some days I just have to let them come.  There are days when I have to lock myself in my room and do absolutely nothing, talk to no one, and just recharge.  These days are fewer.  The days when I am actually able to talk myself out of that darkness feels so empowering, that the next time I am in that place, I am that much more likely to attempt to overcome it.

So where does that leave me?  Resolutions.  But I am going to think of them more as guidelines to try to keep me in the right path this next year.

2019 GOALS:

-lose:

• 50 lbs.  I am keeping this relatively low, but also not going to short change myself.  With the changes I have made recently, I don't think this is too hard of a number to shoot for at less than a pound a week.
• negative self-talk
• toxic people
• excuses

-gain:

• strength
• flexibility
• indurance
• confidence in myself

- read 24 books, start to finish.

-continue to make better food choices.  (I've been seriously considering giving Keto a try, but I need guidance... anyone around to help me?)

-laugh, loudly, and so hard that I snort... on a regular basis.

-remind the people I love how much they mean to me, and regularly.

-continue to get a handle on my finances and start saving, even if it's small, it's something.

I have decided not to actively date for the next 12 months.  If something comes around, great, but I am not going to go out and look for anything.

JANUARY 2019 GOALS:

- Lose 5 pounds.

- Take body measurements.

- Go to the gym at least 20 times.

- c25k at least twice a week.

- begin strength training - weights, or body resistance 2x a week.

- average no less than 10k steps a day.

- read 2 books.

- get a pedicure before BTTI2019.

- be mindful of negative self talk.

- clean mud room, and closet.