Open your eyes

I don't dream often. I never really have,  at least not the type of dreams you remember.   Sure,  there are the falling asleep, started awake dreams. The are biological and your body's way of keeping you from acting out your dreams.  Completely NORMAL.  Another is pregnancy dreams.  Those mother fuckers can get weird and have no basis behind them.  None.  Yet,  are still completely normal. I'll occasionally have a wet dream, which I really wish would happen more often, but they go hand in hand with pregnancy dreams,  and are rare.  Dammit.
I am talking about those kind of dreams that startle you awake tear soaked because the person you thought you cared about has left.  Or said awful things to you, in person,  or the dream. Things that cannot be unsaid or forgotten. Things that deep down in some way you know are true about yourself. The most you can do is try to wipe the tears away,  and go back  to sleep. A sleep that comes awkwardly at best.  I haven't had dreams like that since D. Never expected to have them about Chris.

throw kindness around like confetti

The things I can offer in a relationship that are more positive than negative, though I'd love anyone to weigh in on anything I may be missing....

• my monetary debt is settled around my student loans.  It sucks, but it is a way of life.  It is my burden to bear, and not until after I've graduated, thank goodness.
• I have raised a child.  On my own.  Pretty much from conception until this point (he'll be 11 in December.)  He is pretty awesome.  He has decent manners, body hygiene, and listens well.  He is an all around good kid, and although I've had help with my parents, this has been all me.
• On the topic of Aiden, he was born with bilateral clubfoot, which will never define him, but bears into consideration MY character and that I never allowed it to slow him down.  He is now a competitive swimmer.
• I am a fulltime student.  I get crazy busy with homework, go days with little to no sleep but still manage to take care of my child, and hold down a job.
• I have a job.  It's not my favorite pastime in the world, but it pays the bills. 
• I have my own apartment, I don't live with my parents.  Other than Medicaid, (which my son qualifies for) we are government assistance-free.
• I love to travel.
• I am a terrific cook.
• I am honest to a fault.
• You will never have to question where you stand with me.  I will tell you straight up.
• My bed is extremely comfortable.
• I am not a heavy drinker, though I do enjoy going out or sharing a bottle of wine every once in a while.
• I detest liars.  I cannot stand to be ignored. 
• if you talk about open communication and then disappear for days at a time with no communication, you are not an open communicator.  I don't care the circumstance.  In this day and age, it is so easy to send a text or facebook message when you're in the bathroom let alone anywhere else that may warrant it. 
• I love live concerts. Preferably anything but country.  However, live music is awesome.
• I can talk about anything and everything, we will never lack in conversation.

  I have plenty of friends who have been married more than once.  I am not looking to get married right away,  I am looking to meet someone and build something amazing from that.  A best friend and a partner.  It is the shittiest thing in the world to say, but when I have friends who have been married  one, two or three or even four times.... but when do I get my turn?  When do I get a chance to feel that deeply for someone?  For someone to feel that deeply for me.

I am not needy.  Good morning, goodnight, they go a long way.  Respect, goes a long way.  If there is a mutual respect and admiration, there is going to want to be more and more time spent together in order to get to know that person, right?

When do I get my turn?