I Lost You (new prose)

I loved you in ways I can't explain. 
In ways I had never loved anyone before. 
In a way that made my stomach jump at just the thought of you. 
In a way where I could get lost for hours sitting next to you just talking. 
In a way that the days never seemed to have enough hours because there were always more words, 
more stories, 
more& more& more

but never enough time. 

I loved you in a way where I could be myself. 
All of myself with no apologies or hesitation. 
I loved your picky eating habits and the way you snored up against the back of my head that would actually pull me into my dreams. 
I loved your smelly feet and the way we would lay across each other on the couch, talking, 
laughing. 
Trying to watch movies but falling asleep. 

I loved you even when I did not love me,
and that scared me. 

I loved you even when I didn't deserve to love you. 

I loved you through pain and tears. 
Screaming matches and lost earrings. 
Misplaced iPods and broken cell phones which were thrown across empty rooms. 
Through all of the drunk and disorderly. 

I loved you through the bad movies and the hogged popcorn 
and the way you would kiss my hand. 
And my forehead. 
The way your hand fit into mine. 

I loved you even when I wasn't important enough to make your top four list, announced loudly to your friends at the bar, while I stood three feet away from you.

I loved you even when I hated you, 
when I feared losing you. 

I loved you when I lost you. 

I lost you. 

I lost you.