Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Dear Blue, Yeah, you know who you are.

Dear ___________,
I have some things I need to say you. Some things I should have said to you years ago when you broke my heart for the first time. Back when you almost broke my nose on your trampoline. I should have said these things the multiple times that you have broken my heart since. 

I am a forever person.  Friendships, or relationships. I'm not in them for now. I'm not holding myself back. If I love you, I will love you forever. Even if that forever is shorter than I hoped, I will do anything in my power to fix what is broken. To mend bridges without burning them down. Keeping a relationship, any relationship requires work. It's harder work than getting together. Nothing we ever had was unfix-able. It just comes down to the fact that I wanted to work on it, and you didn't. You were the one who broke us. 

I am forever. I will fight for what I love. But the something I wanted to tell you, was that there comes a point in time where fighting for something becomes monotonous. Where it doesn't accomplish anything. Where all it does is serve to remind me that you didn't care enough. So then I automatically assume I could have done something more. Given more. Loved more. Sacrificed more. And that is not fair to me. 

Because I am a forever person. I will love you always. I will love you forever. But right now I need to put you in my back pocket and move on. Maybe one of these days there won't be an empty, gaping hole in my chest. Maybe one of these days it won't hurt to just think about you. Maybe one of these days I will be able to write you a letter, or talk about you without it bringing tears to my eyes, and the sore of repressed sobs to the back of my throat. Maybe one of these days my friend will come back to me, my rock, my safe place. 

Spread your wings and fly, little bird. I am setting you free.

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