Josh and I fell out of touch in the months before I got pregnant with Aiden. For a long time I thought I was in love with him, and I was certain that he would never be able to feel the same things back, or that he wanted to, but would never allow himself to. It's amazing how things like love get jumbled up in our hearts and our heads when we're young.
It took me close to a decade to realize that my love for this boy was not the love you felt for a lover, but rather the love you felt for a friend, or a brother.
In the last year, more than ever, Josh has served as my sounding board. He is always there when I need him, only a text message away. He has assured me, on too many occasions to count, that I am not a terrible mother, that I am not a terrible friend, that people LOVE me. He makes his point known in a way that is loving but firm. There is a no nonsense stance to him, and it has only ever gotten stronger as we've gotten older. This man probably knows more about me than most people, only because he's known me long enough to be able to call me on my bullshit. When he tells me things, I know they are true. There is no questioning with Josh.
He took care of me when I was too drunk to walk. He was my textual shoulder to cry on in the several occasions when it felt like my world was crumbling in on itself for various reasons. He is the constant reassurance that I have a friend, who wants to be my friend, simply for the sake of being my friend.
I spent a lot of my high school years being mad at him. Not for what he did, but what he failed to do, and that was fall head over heels in love with me. Only now am I realizing that perhaps he did, but it was just a different kind of love.
Cheers, Josh. Here's to another decade of pissing each other off and being there all at the same time. I love you!
No comments:
Post a Comment