Diary of a Fat Girl

Hi.  My name is Sadie and I'm a food addict.  It's not any real one food in particular, more like all of them.  I love to cook, and even more importantly, I love to eat.  I have always loved to eat.

I am not a vegetarian, or a fruitarian.  I do not keep a close eye on my sodium intake, and even though I've been trying to watch the amount of cholesterol I consume (bad cholesterol screening...) I still enjoy my eggs with their yolks, and cheese.  Never underestimate the healing power of cheese.  It's good on pretty much anything, or even by itself.  It's delicious when it is melted, or when it's in block form.

My comfort foods are macaroni and cheese (especially since I've perfected the perfect combination of other ingredients to stir in), chips and salsa, chocolate and peanut butter, and mashed potatoes.  There are not very many things that I WILL NOT eat, but there are a large number of things I prefer.

Over the last two years, I have managed to lose upwards of about 50 pounds by simply stepping up my activity level.  I didn't watch what I was putting into my body nearly as much as I made sure I was getting my heart rate elevated for an hour or more six or seven times a week.  I started eating more fruits and veggies, mainly because my body started craving them more.  (side note: getting healthy is EXPENSIVE.  getting fat is relatively cheap.)  I have about 45-50 more pounds that I want to lose, and over the last month or so I have been experimenting with several different types of "diets".

They pretty much translate into vegetarian diets with loads of whole oats/grains/nuts.  I lost about 5 pounds in a week when I was sticking to it a few weeks ago.  The hard part?  I have a seven year old.  He eats pretty well, but he wont eat the concoctions I've managed to come up with, with rice and beans and cooked veggies.  And I REALLY like macaroni and cheese.

I guess I just wanted to write this all down as a form of release, to forgive myself for eating that extra bowl of creamy noodley goodness for dinner tonight, to say out loud that this losing weight thing really sucks.

Quitting smoking over two years ago was easy compared to this.  I just had to not light the cigarette.  But this?  Time consuming, money hungry, royal pain in my ass.  When I quit smoking, it really helped to be able to say "I really want a cigarette.  Really.  Really."  and then be able to walk away from it.  I can't just say I want to eat, and then NOT eat.

Anyone want to come over and help me get all of the crap out of my cupboards and help me start over from scratch?

(I really, REALLY want some chocolate right now.)